*The following is a continuation of rolling out’s series with relationship author DeWayne Rogers, and his column The Fly Guy Chronicles.*
In a perfect world, a man could openly express any of the following sentiments to his special lady without fear of break up or bodily injury:
“Baby, those late night Waffle House trips are starting to catch up with you.”
“Hey, why can’t I see the top of your underwear anymore?”
“Are you out of breath already? We’ve only gone up four stairs.”
I could keep going, but I’m sure you get the point. Sadly though, this isn’t a perfect world, so a man has to be a bit more strategic when sharing the difficult news of weight gain with his woman.
In the end, it’s a necessary evil that I wouldn’t wish on any man. But in a society where the likelihood of your girl eating french fries and loaded nachos is about as inevitable as Cee Lo Green flirting with a contestant on “The Voice,” you have to be proactive in staving off those extra pounds.
So today, I’ve decided to share three rounds of ammunition to equip you in this ongoing obesity war. On the advice of my lawyer, I’ll carefully label this “Three Subtle Ways To Tell Her She’s Getting Fat.”
Fly Guy Warning: This advice may not prevent inadvertent slaps, kicks or nights sleeping on the sofa.
1. Start Your Own Workout/Weight Loss Plan
Perhaps the easiest way to get her thinking about her body is to kick your own workout plan into high gear. This can actually be a win-win for all parties involved, as you’ll not only inspire her to tighten up, but you’ll also reap the physical benefits as well.
So get her to join you in the kitchen to prepare a healthy meal together, and encourage her to join you in the gym. A large majority of women will view this as a bonding experience between the two of you, and gladly participate in “your” fitness quest.
Self-deprecation works great with this strategy, as you can drop lines like, “I need to get it together before you run off with one of those chiseled actors like Brad Pitt or Morgan Freeman. (Hey, I don’t know who women find hot nowadays.)
2. Compliment One of Her Old Pictures
A great option is to take her on a trip down memory lane—back when her clothes were three sizes smaller, and her stomach resembled the flatlands of Nebraska, instead of the rolling hills of San Francisco.
A subtle way of doing this is by flipping through her Facebook page and leaving a comment on one of her slimmer pictures from a few years back. A note like, “Wow, you look so amazing … I almost didn’t recognize you,” will surely get her to look twice in the mirror.
Now you can’t be mean with what you say, so do your best to make it appear as though it’s just a harmless, casual comment.
If she doesn’t use Facebook, you can always flip through an old scrapbook, and leave it open to a picture where she resembles the woman of your dreams—back before Captain D’s and a slowed metabolism infiltrated her life.
3. Play Fight and Grab the Flab
Over the course of a loving relationship, there are typically plenty of opportunities to engage in romantic horseplay. A subtle way of turning her attention to this newfound fluff is to grab at her love handles while play wrestling.
If you’re really feeling bold, you can jokingly say something like, “this fight isn’t fair; you’ve got extra padding now.”
Side note: I can’t effectively predict her response to you saying something as bold as this. If you do it right though, it can be an effective tool. But if performed incorrectly, I’d advise you to brace for the start of World War III.
The Fly Outlook
The task before you is perhaps one of the trickiest relationship obstacles that you’ll ever have to face. I deem it tough for the simple fact that it’s incredibly hard on any level to get someone to take a long, hard look in the mirror.
But by turning the mirror to your loved one, you’re not only taking a proactive step in keeping the physical spark between you alive, but you’re also enhancing her health for years to come.
I was told by a loved one today, “I want to know if I’m getting fat. That’s like me having a booger in my nose, and you not telling me. If you love me, then you would tell me.”
I couldn’t agree more. So if you truly care about both her well being and the health of your relationship, then I suggest you find a loving way to help her see what her eyes may be blind to.
The key word here is to do it in love, which may mean finding a subtle way like the ones provided above.