Sometimes, your gut is right — and if your lover has a dip on the side, and there may be proof lurking right under your nose. Here, several experts explain six red flags to consider if you suspect infidelity in your relationship.
1. Your Lover Has a New Facebook Addiction
If your wife’s big brown eyes are glued to Facebook all the time, chances are she’s connected with an old flame or ignited a new one.
A survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 80 percent of divorce lawyers have a surge in cases involving the social network, and 20 percent of divorces involve Facebook in particular.
There’s an entire website chock-full of Facebook breakups.
Writes one blogger:
“I checked her computer one morning early, about 1 a.m.. I couldn’t sleep and I knew something was wrong, so I checked. It only took one check and on the messages I found all I needed to know about my lovely wife. Thousands of messages to the same guy talking about how screwed up I am, how they can`t wait till they are in each other’s arms, sending nude photos. My heart exploded, I think it fell out, and I had to pick it up off the floor.”
2. Your Lover is Power Tripping.
If your mate holds a position of power, a politician, business owner, etc., he or she is more likely to cheat on you, according to Joris Lammers of Tilburg University (Netherlands).
In the new study, “Power Increases Infidelity Among Men and Women,” Lammers surveyed 1,561 white collar professionals to investigate if there was a relationship between power and infidelity. Lammers and his team concluded that men and women who held positions of power were 30 percent more likely to cheat and had intentions to cheat in the future.
“Results showed that elevated power is positively associated with infidelity because power increases confidence in the ability to attract partners. This association was found for both actual infidelity and intentions to engage in infidelity in the future. Gender did not moderate these results: The relationship between power and infidelity was the same for women as for men, and for the same reason.”
3. Your Lover Shows Sudden Changes in Appearance
If your Sloppy Joe suddenly he has an interest in what he wears, right down to the brand name underwear, he may be upgrading for someone else, notes the publisher of Infidelityman.com.
“A cheating husband will buy new clothes, fashion a new hairstyle, and start visiting the gym in order to change his appearance to suit a woman he is courting,” according to the site. “Male peacocks like to flash their feathers as a way to court prospective mates. Human men have a similar tendency when trying to get with a lady who has caught their interest.”
4. Your Lover Has Longer Work Hours
There’s an increase in work hours, and your partner isn’t too stressed about it. Or worse, there isn’t an increase in pay to accompany those longer work hours.
“The new infidelity is between people who unwittingly form deep, passionate connections before realizing that they’ve crossed the line from platonic friendship into romantic love,” explains Dr. Shirley Glass, author of Not ‘Just Friends.’ “Eighty-two percent of the 210 unfaithful partners I’ve treated have had an affair with someone who was, at first, ‘just a friend.’ ”
5. Your Lover’s Bedroom Habits Have Changed.
If your partner wants more sex, makes kinky requests or wants no sex at all is a red flag, according to the ASAC Group, an international private investigation and surveillance service.
Red flags in the bedroom include:
• They may no longer want to have sex or make excuses not to.
• When having sexual relations they seem distracted and disinterested.
• The duration of the act changes and they may seem in a hurry to get it over with.
• There is a sudden need for aids such as toys or pornographic materials to initiate arousal.
• Affection and love become absent from sexual relations e.g. lack of kissing, touching and eye contact.
• The cheating spouse or partner suddenly has strange or ‘kinky’ requests.
6. Your Lover Has Mood Swings or InsultsYou
If your partner insults you, criticizes you and is angry for no apparent reason, there may be infidelity in your relationship explains Anne Bercht, author of My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Happened to Me.
If you can answer ‘yes’ to the following questions, chances are your mate is having an affair: “Is your spouse often complaining of trivial things? Do you sense unhappiness in your spouse, but you can’t explain it or understand it? (And do they refuse to acknowledge it or talk about it when asked?) Do you feel like you can’t do anything right? Do you feel like you keep giving and they keep taking, yet they are still unhappy?
Again, if you answered “yes” to those questions, there may be a problem in your relationship.
The Good News
The good news is that infidelity doesn’t mark the end of a relationship, if that relationship is built on a solid foundation and the couple is willing to seek professional help or spiritual guidance.
“After the devastating disclosure of infidelity, intense emotions and recurrent crises are the norm,” says Shirley P. Glass of the American Association of family and Therapy. “The good news, however, is that the majority of marriages not only survive infidelity, but marriage and family therapists have observed that many marriages can become stronger and more intimate after couples therapy.”