Photo Credit: Shutterstock

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do I keep attracting the same kind of men that don’t know how to treat me?” At some point, you should be tired and feel that “enough is enough.” However, if you’re clueless on changing your dating habits, here are 10 tips that will prevent unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships.

  1. Drama Queen. If you are an open book and don’t mind airing your dirty laundry to anyone that will listen, it’s time to stop that craziness, especially on Facebook, Twitter or other social media outlets. This is very immature and unattractive; no one will be interested in dating you after this behavior.
  2. Classy. We all know about those individuals that post half-naked pictures on their personal, social media pages. We also know that posting these types of pics may get you tons of likes or comments, but it won’t get you the man that is going to respect you. Your potential man is going to feel uncomfortable with dating a woman whose goodies have been exposed to practically everyone on your friends list. Please be classy at all times.
  3. Your Appearance. Looks aren’t everything, but the way that you present yourself is very important. We all care about how we look; whether we’re going to church, the grocery store or out on a date. The way that you dress and present yourself to others is a big factor in how others perceive you. If your wardrobe always seems to attract the same type of dysfunctional men, then maybe you should change it to reflect a more mature, refined personality, instead of the daisy dukes and go-go boots. Always dress to impress.
  4. High Self Esteem/Confidence. One of the most common reasons women attract dysfunctional men is because they don’t value themselves or lack confidence. How can you expect a man to love you, when you don’t even love yourself? If you don’t appreciate yourself, no one else is going to. And if you let someone walk over you like a mat, they will continue to do that. You have to teach people how to treat you. When you start respecting and loving yourself, that is when you will start to rid yourself of unhealthy, dysfunctional mates/relationships.
  5. Standards. It is very important to know what you are looking for in a man. You should be able to set standards and think about the things that you deserve in your relationship that you haven’t been getting. Stick to your guns on your standards. Always know your non-negotiables and keep them in mind. So, the next time you’re out on a date and he is cussing you and the wait staff out or doesn’t respect his mother, just cut your ties immediately (even if he is handsome).
  6. Stop Having Pity Parties. If you have a pity party every time a guy doesn’t treat you right, you’re never going to attract the right man, because you’ll be too busy crying. Take a positive spin and go to the spa, shop or hang out with your family or friends. Don’t let anyone steal your joy.
  7. Love Yourself. One thing you should know: when you’re not trying to find love, it will always find you. So stop burning your energy on someone that is a waste of time. If you’re always the giver in your failed relationships, then it’s time to stop. Start focusing on you and what makes you happy. Take a dance class or plan a few trips. Stop being available and make you, your number one priority. When you start focusing on yourself, you’ll start attracting the kind of men that want to be a part of your life and not the ones that want to benefit from it.
  8. Desperation. Don’t be so desperate that you settle for the first man that looks your way. And, even sometimes we mistake love for physical attraction, neediness and the need to rescue or to be rescued. Please examine how your desperation affects your perception. Never settle.
  9. Boundaries. Sometimes we begin sexual relationships or become emotionally attached without really knowing the person. Please take some time to get to the know the person and examine your boundaries.
  10. Reality Check. Sometimes we fantasize about who we think someone is and then are crushed when they fall short of that fantasy. Get to know the person and examine the reality vs. fantasy.

Ladies, at the end of the day, the most important thing to remember when it comes to love is that you are good enough. Always, always, always! When you meet the right man, you will no longer have pity parties, nor will you have to second guess anything. When you take the initiative to change the way you think and the way you handle relationships, you will soon learn that finding someone who makes you feel loved is only a matter of knowing what you deserve and never settling for less.

Myra C. Harris

The author of How to Get a Man: From the Kitchen, to the Bedroom, to the Ring, which can be purchased at www.letaypublishing.com.