He who finds a wife finds a good thing. Four girlfriends Joi, DeLisa, Lynn and Kristen mastered the concept by saving marriages one wife at a time – educating women on how to maintain a happy spouse, balance a career, and raise a family.
This dynamic foursome hosted an amazing event for wives at the Clubhouse at Museum Park in Downtown Chicago. The packed house of wives talked about everything from communication to keeping it sexy.
Rolling out caught up with The Wives after the event and spoke about their mission to save marriages and why the divorce rate is so high.
How did “The Wives” come together?
Coincidentally, we all attend the same church. However, The Wives officially came together after Joi organized a 15-day prayer call to be led by 15 different women at the end of 2016. Three of us were a part of the core prayer team for that initiative. Once the 15 days were over, Lynn invited all of the other 14 women to her house for dinner and conversation about the upcoming year. Of the entire group, only 3 of us actually attended dinner at Lynn’s house. We had such great candid conversation about marriage that Kristen truly prayed about what we should be doing. That evening in January, The Wives was born! Since there were only 3 of us, we really wanted to include a 4th Wife. Both Lynn and Kristen suggested DeLisa and the rest is history in the making.
What advice would you give to a woman who says; “Marriage is not for me”?
DeLisa: First off, we believe that marriage is an amazingly beautiful concept! When we hear women say that marriage is not for them, we challenge them to really dig deeper into what is causing that feeling. For many, they are surrounded by horrible examples of marriages or even no examples at all. That statement often comes from women who struggle in relationships and use that as a crutch to stay in that place of hurt.
Lynn: Marriage is truly not for the faint of heart so if a woman is accustomed to being the type who walks away from relationships at every disagreement, argument or disappointment then marriage truly may not be for her. We call ourselves “The Wives” because our mission is to help wives and women that desire to be wives. We can’t convince a woman to become a wife if it isn’t in her heart’s desire.
Studies show 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. What are your thoughts on contributing factors?
Kristen: Divorce is being used as a “get out jail free” card. It is publicized so commonly on television that we’re really becoming numb to the idea of it. Many marriages end as a result of money issues or intimacy issues. We also hear the term “irreconcilable differences” as it pertains to reasons for divorce. Often times, this just means that the couple’s healthy communication skills are non-existent. Other outside factors that influence divorce may include family and friends who may not understand marriage or actually have happy marriages themselves. Another contributing factor to divorce is lack of individual growth. When talking to couples we’ve found that spouses turn to counseling sometimes when it’s too late. Married couples need to know that the fight and war in marriage isn’t over once you’ve said “I do”; technically, it’s just begun. So we strongly believe individual counseling and marriage counseling is vital to the health of one’s marriage.
Why are events like this important for not only wives but women who aspire to be wives?
Joi: These events are great for wives because it gives them an opportunity to hear that they are not alone in their struggles to become the wife that God created them to be. We share our raw experiences so that women can learn and grow from our mistakes. Likewise, the events are just as important for women who desire to be wives. Our goal is to equip women with the tools and information that they need so that when they do get married they won’t have to waste valuable time trying to figure out things that we have already gone through. Women who are not yet married benefit from getting the information and being prepared! It offers them a preview before they become fully vested in a marriage. Our thoughts are if they can hear someone else’s testimony or tips on the do’s and don’ts of marriage, it can potentially spare them from unnecessary frustration, heartache and pain.
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