Photo credit: Orange Line Media / Shutterstock.com

Photo credit: Orange Line Media / Shutterstock.com

Do men and women even know what they’re getting themselves into when they decide to have a relationship with a person who doesn’t have the same mindset as them? Some women may believe that they’re simply giving a brother a chance, but in reality, they may be setting themselves up for failure.

Commitment is one of those things that can’t be forced on a person no matter how hard you try, yet so many women take a backseat in their relationships with men that are sometimes unworthy and unprepared to love them the right way, leaving them damaged and with lost hope.   It makes you ask why exactly Black women are so loyal to undeserving men.

Here’s a thought. After watching the “Love & Hip Hop” reunion segment between Yandy Smith-Harris, Samantha and Erica, which aired on VH1 last month, the audience, viewers, and the rest of the world were stuck trying to piece together a timeline of the relationship between Mendeecees Harris and the mother of his three children. While it seemed like he was planning a life with each of these women at one point or another, he eventually found his way to a commitment and later marriage with his most current girlfriend, Yandy. The question that had all of America wondering is why did these beautiful, educated women still deal with him after they found out about one another and his infidelity?

Whether it was the promise of everlasting love, blinding sex, or misjudgment, one couldn’t help but wonder what was going on behind closed doors or why any of the women were compelled to stay with a man that was clearly undecided. The writing was clearly on the wall, but like so many of us, we miss the telltale warning signs that are staring us in the face. No one wanted to walk away and feel like someone else has won his love. It may sound immature, but people sometimes get caught up in their personal wants, and saving face is usually easier than facing reality.

The fact of the matter is that every woman has a different reason as to why they put up with the foolishness that they tolerate. What may seem like major character flaws to one woman may not be the same for the sister down the street. Each of us has a different level tolerance or a breaking point as to what straw would break the camel’s back and force us to leave a messy situation. Sometimes cheating isn’t t it, and some will even stay to try to prove a point about their relevance in that man’s life.

We’ve all heard stories about guys that have the gift of gab, and that know exactly what to say to get what they want from a woman. These type of men usually prey on women that hang on to their every word, leaving no room for argument, resulting in them winning in the end, and the women questioning what type of situation they’ve gotten themselves into with these men.

Once kids and families are involved, the risks become higher. What may have started out as in innocent situation has now developed into something bigger leaving everyone’s future in jeopardy. Unfortunately, this situation resulted in there being a major rift in the family due to lies and deceit that all of us have dealt with at some point or another in life.

Did you watch the love triangle unfold between Yandy, Erica, Samantha and Mendeecees? If so, can you relate or have you ever given a person a chance that you knew didn’t deserve you? Comment below and share your thoughts with us.

Follow Tamara on Instagram: @uniquely humble

  • nosey rosy

    not deserve is the key if you can admitt to your dam self that that man dont deserve all the goodness you bring you can overcome it , sex should not be that dam blinding but it is when you still hang on to those feeliings ,i think a lot of women are just lonely , age is a factor , i notice younger female being able to leave a lot faster, black women dont like being alone , but of all the races of women , black females are the most likely single . and mostly to settle for bootycalls , so why be mad at the man? . and then the children in the mix make black females pure desperate , black men get extremely madd if she got a kid with him and he has to pay her child support , he ten peg all black women as b..itches, and thats when the cycle began .. i believe once have a baby with a brother , he gone… pont blank ,he will not stay., he will even dip with you here and there , but will never see you the same . so its time to move on , but most do not, some even believe there is a chance of recociliation , which makes him know he cant be involved with his kids , because he dont want to bother with her drama , its not alway the man with the issues , on the other hand what this writer is talking about is men who have a good woman and bail, or cheat or beat her? true …. this is a no good doggy whom normally dont wear condom ever . who are likely to be a DOWNLOWER and jail bird . college educated men do better about their women they are more responsible than the average man, , black men come out of the highest non father homes . so alot of this non sense , cheating , instability to stay, abuse , lieing , chick bouncing ,, all comes from lack of male role models ,, or bad role models, . my uncle has 4 son and they all are good men olderst one is 44 youngest 30 they are all married, wives and kids and i never heard of them cheating either they go to church and are not gayish , or crazy ., never been to jail even. and THEY PICK GOOD LEVEL HEADED FEMALES , and the times they pick the wrong one their father gave great advice and they listen … their wives all seem happy. my uncle raise these boys hands on . he let them know how to treat ladies even when in high school . they would come to him for advice on women and breaking up .. and condoms even . so non of them had any kids out of wedlock , and they all stay intouch with each other and are friends . i swear by this that all these unstable black men has to do with females raising them in bad relationships , and bringing different males around them , infliencing them wrong . and a woman can not raise a man she need some type of male interaction or he may even be gay. i believe boys that turn out gay usually were nurtured too much from the moma a typical momas boy , there is not such thing as a man who has femine ways, when a man down grades a woman speak down on her body hair, face , looks , or any downgrading he is more than like a gay closet freak ,, but he is miserable because he cant come out and he has to be careful showing his femininity in which his moma allowed him to watch her bath , put on make up and he hung under her continuiously , but as a grown man he says he TELLS WOMEN HE IS CLOSE TO HIS MOMA!! THERE IS NO SUCH THING .. if he says he loves his mother thats different ,, but all up under her calling her all the dam time , acting like a child around her and having her feed him and pamper him , is gayish , and usually a DISASTER!! . this is the other type black women try to tame . and trust me , they are hateful spiteful and you will never get them to love you because they crave a mans love . or their momas boastering about him, makes him feel wanted … he doest respect women and if he goes to prison he is the classic bitch boy behind bars , exiting prison with a downlow lifestyle . so many sister had kids with them thinking they were straight . TYRESE IS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THIS TYPE OF BROTHER BEWARE!!!!! THEY ARE OUT THERE BIG TIME … AND YOU NEVER KNOW THEM TIL YOU HAVE A FIGHT WITH THEM IT ALL EXPLODES . THE REAL THEM IS REVEALED . .
    that is why you need to marry first then have kids , the indians do it the chinese do and even the africans nigerians all those races come to america and show us how its suppose to be done . i respect white folks because they dont raise their son to be dogs . . they tell them to party at 20 is ok but by 26 its time to take women serious and pic a wife. or wear condoms and dont live on nobody .. i feel sorry for two young people i see moving in together less than a year of dating they usally end in a blast , someone goes to jail or is hurt emotionally scared, its the man usually you see has horrible upbring issues . spoiled by moma and unable to relate to females , often name calling and petty when she wants out . or he wants out .
    its a way to break up ,and it needs to be done quickly and effectively , , if your with a clingly person your in trouble . i dated a man one time who told me afer one week causual sex 2x that he would show up at my door if i didnt pick up his calls , i told him iam not interested in him , he said thats why i dogged out my baby moma because she was like you”
    meaning he wanted to control me mentally or abuse me was my only 2 options i ran like my hair was on fire i changed my number and got security to walk me to my car!! for 6 months laugh … and trust me yall there are a lot of them like this . and because they are so angry and has not realize the problem is themselves this is why they are always in trouble with police and society. they dont follow rules and are very charming as this guy was . . ever noticed some of the nices people got prozac in their pockets , or triazadom , or biopolar diagnoises . . remember everybody crazy has not been diagnoses and you may be the worlds first glimpse into that crazy head !!!!

    • Ann

      The best decision I made it NOT having a child by a black man. Wake up sisters. Wake up and walk away. Even if you are not sure where you are walking too. Dont keep hurting yourself by staying loyal or loving someone who doesnt love you. And please do NOT have a baby by him and make life worst.

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