Culture

5 Things Men Lose When They Commit

Tue., Oct. 9, 2012 7:00 AM EST
by DeWayne Rogers

Let me be candid for a moment. While lasting love is the ultimate end goal to your relationship journey, there are a few things that you’ll have to give up the moment you decide to commit. Some concessions will be good, and others … well, let’s just say that they’ll take a little getting used to.

So, without further adieu, let’s take a look at five things that a man has to give up once he commits. (Fly Note: Women feel free to take this list and apply it to your own situation.)

1. Your Lack of Accountability

Before you jumped headfirst into the deep waters of commitment, your actions often went unchecked. Whatever you wanted to do (within the confines of the law, of course), you could do it and not worry about how it was going to make another person feel.

But once you decided to commit, you instantly had another set of feelings that you had to take into consideration. So, those weekend camping trips with the talent from your local strip club will now be a distant memory; that is, if you want to avoid the loss of teeth.

2. Your Personal Space

I’m a firm believer that maintaining your personal space is a must in order to preserve your relationship sanity.  By that same token though, I’m also not naïve enough to believe that you won’t have to concede some part of that space the moment you commit to someone.

The truth is, relationships are all about your ability to share your time, space and heart with another person. So, yes, you’re going to have to give up some of your Friday nights, some of those vanilla wafers you love so much and probably the left side of your bed.

That just comes with the territory.

3. Any Female Friends

“End of the Road” … “It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye to Yesterday” …

Take your pick from two of my favorite Boyz II Men songs as they both apply to the future state of your miscellaneous friendships with other women.

Now, there may be an isolated case or two where the new love will begrudgingly allow your relationship with another woman to continue. But those are few and far between, and they usually require a notarized letter from your congressman to let it fly.

So, say goodbye to Tonya, Keisha, Stacy and that cute little bow-legged waitress who works at Applebee’s.

4. Your Singular Identity

As soon as word gets out that you’re officially off the market, the expectation then becomes that the two of you will always be together. So, brace yourself for the “where’s your girl” questions that are sure to come whenever you decide to venture out alone.

I’m sure your boys will be the main culprits when it comes to this … but that’s ok. It’s just their indirect, ball-busting way of acknowledging this new phase of your life.

5. The Unlimited Text and Email Option on Your Phone

Remember when your phone could be mistaken as your significant other?  Ahh, the good ol’ days … back when you texted and emailed about as often as Lindsay Lohan gets arrested. That type of behavior, however, will be curbed the moment you commit.

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. In today’s cyber age, it’s easy to become overly dependent on your devices. But thankfully, you now have a girlfriend who will gently (or not) remind you that it’s time to put the phone down.

The Outlook

When I first announced that I was writing on this particular subject, my Twitter account was set ablaze by a host of women who were all sure that I was about to bash their sisterhood.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Like any important decision in life, one must be aware of the changes that come along with relational commitment. As much as you might like them to, things just can’t stay the same. So, before you take that step to commit, be absolutely sure that you’re ready for what comes with it.

I think I’m done for now… Can the church say, “Amen?”

 

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  • Healthycurve

    *sigh* Just what we need, more encouragement for men not to make commitments.  Especially in the black community where there are more single parent families than in any other community.. Gee thanks rolling out *smirk*

    • Uncle Chuck

      Why do you consider this article as “more encouragement for men not to make commitments”? The author just laid out what will happen when a man commits to a relationship. If, in reading the article a guy realizes that he just isn’t ready to give up the things mentioned and decides NOT to enter a relationship I’d say he made a wise choice.

      It’s better to NOT enter a relationship knowing you’re not ready than to do so then to commit KNOWING you’re not ready. It’s all about making INTELLIGENT choices. The “single parent families” thing is a whole ‘nother subject!

  • ItGirl

    This article is true for men & women. He’s just writing from the male perspective but women definitely feel the same way. It was dead on to me. Both sides lose something as well as gain. It’s all about how you look at it.