Culture

The Ugly Truth About ‘Friends With Benefits’

Wed., Apr. 11, 2012 7:16 AM EST
by Zondra Hughes

Everything is all good until someone tries to change the rules.

Why is it that so many Friend With Benefits (FWB) situations end badly? First and foremost, let’s review the FWB agreement: Mind-blowing sex without a commitment. No emotional attachment or after-sex tenderness; in other words, you curl each other’s toes and then go your separate ways. If women truly understood the golden rule of Friends With Benefits — no emotional entanglements— there would be a lot less confusion in the world.

For some caught in the Friends With Benefits trap, there is a disconnect between what the woman thinks she is to her sex partner and what she really is, and this confusion originates with faulty expectations.

Typically speaking, a woman will enter into a “Friends With Benefits” situation because it makes her feel empowered (i.e., “I don’t have to answer to a man about my whereabouts,” etc.), and that she’s in control of the situation (“if my heart’s not in this, he can’t hurt me.”) The flip side of the FWB coin is that what makes her feel empowered (“I don’t have to answer to a man about my whereabouts”) can also make her feel less valued (“why isn’t there a man around to take care of my needs?”)

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  • Kulchagurl

    guys catch feelings and have unrealistic expectations as well… I would say even more so.

    • http://www.facebook.com/zondra.hughes Zondra Hughes

       I agree.

    • UncleChuck2

       For example…?