A Gold Digger’s Guide to Money and Men

A Gold Digger's Guide to Money and Men

As an Atlanta resident, I have come across my share of groupies, harlots, strippers and ubiquitous gold diggers. It seems that the gold diggers lack two basic elements for survival, common sense and a hard work ethic. To assist this group in mastering their craft, I would like to give a few bits of advice for both novice and professional gold diggers.


1] Avoid Educated Athletes: Since most gold diggers are semi-literate, it would be wise to hunt for the same in a professional athlete. The semi-literate athletes are those who most likely left school early to play their sport professionally, meaning they are not college graduates and will most likely not have a working knowledge of finances. This is extremely important, as they may be willing to buy you anything your heart desires.


2] Have a Mean Head Game: Seeing that many actors, rappers, and professional sports figures are often on the road and maintain hectic travel schedules, you may only get a few minutes for physical interaction. As a consequence, a woman should have a mean, top shelf head game. Yes, I mean oral sex. Make certain you do not use your teeth and are flexible enough to demonstrate your skills both underneath a table in the VIP and in the front seat of an SUV. If you perform well enough, he just might drop you a stack or two each time you meet just on the memory and expectation alone.

3] Know the Seasons: There are beginning and ending points in all professional sports. This is significant if you have a lineup of several men you are dealing with. Make sure you know game days in the event that you want to have more than one athlete on your list. There should be numerous iPhone apps for this task.


4] Be a Great Communicator: It is essential, even if one is not educated, to be a good communicator. Communication is required for almost every activity. Whether it is getting him to take you to dinner or buying that new purse with initials that don’t match your name, be sure to communicate. It is most crucial when you try to talk him out of using a condom while having sex, so that checks continue to come in for 18 years starting nine months later.

Now there are several additional tips and suggestions that could be used, but these are just a few to get you started. Remember, gold diggers will always be in season because no man can change a whore into a housewife. –torrance stephens, ph.d.

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