Unlike the down-low man who has to rely on the discretion of a gay partner, if both men are married with families, it’s a double-guarantee that no one will slip up, explains Merle James Yost, a psychotherapist and author.
“That is generally thought to be a closed loop,” Yost notes. “The wives are generally unaware of the secondary relationship, and I have seen the couples become best friends. Of course, when the wives find out, it usually falls apart.”
These two heterosexual men are experimenting, submitting to long-held sexual fantasies with no-strings attached, no labels attached, and no stigmas attached. The cheaters are just two heterosexual brothers hanging out and acting on sexual fantasies.
For married men who dip together, this is a comfortable place to exist.
“These men get all the benefits of being married,” argues Yost. “Also, if a guy is bi, it is much less likely that he has taken the time to really immerse himself in the gay community or to have a deep exclusive emotional [or] sexual relationship with a man. On many levels, he is more likely to see being “bi” primarily as a sexual need.”
That sexual need runs the show, not the person fulfilling the need, adds Joe Kort, a licensed sexologist out of Michigan.
When heterosexual men have fantasies to be with other men, it’s not an attraction to the male as much as it is an attraction to the sex act itself. This urge starts to reveal itself at the seven-year mark, Kort has said.
“These men genuinely love their wives. They fall in love with their wives, they have children, and they’re on a chemical, romantic high. Then after about seven years, the high falls away and their gay identity starts emerging.”
The Internet has made it easier now than ever for marrieds to find each other and live out their fantasies. Cheater websites are just a click away; from the premium pay sites that advertise Married Men for Married Men, to the free Craigslist personal ads, a man who wants to creep will find a willing, married partner in just a few keystrokes.
Married men who creep with other married men respect discretion and fail-proof deception is the order of the day, thus their sexual secrets are safe.
At least for now.