Politics

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Love Child: He Needs Advice From Bill Cosby, Dr. J., Rev. Jackson, Lil Wayne

Tue., May. 17, 2011 4:32 PM EST
by Terry Shropshire

If I were Arnold Schwarzenegger, I would be blowing up the phones of Rev. Jesse Jackson, Bill Cosby, Julius “Dr. J” Erving and Lil Wayne. They know what it’s like to dip their paint brushes in another can of paint and could counsel Mr. “I’ll be Back” through his post-traumatic marriage syndrome.

Besides, what better people qualified to dole out loving advice than someone who’s been through what you are going through?

As we know now, the Terminator is in the middle of a tumultuous divorce from Maria Shriver after she found out that he fathered a child with one of their house staff members.

Here are a few people that Schwarzenegger could lean on during these tough times:

Strange bedrooms are probably the only places that Rev. Jesse Jackson has made more appearances than in front of cameras and microphones. Jackson’s reputation as a serial philanderer was confirmed when the Chicago’s Tribune and Sun-Times reported that author and professor Karin Stanford, then 39, as the mother of the Rev. Jesse Jackson’s out-of-wedlock daughter in 1998. And there are scores of other sexual conquests that date back to his days with the late Dr. Martin Luther King.

I remember how Julius “Dr. J” Erving – the greatest leaper and dunker the NBA had ever seen until Michael Jordan – and his carefully cultivated image crashed to the earth and exploded right before our eyes when it was learned in 1999 that he was the father of tennis phenom Alexandra Stevenson. Apparently, the Doc, who was said to make house calls on the basketball court, really did make house calls but only when the husband was not around. And then, later, it was found out that the Good Doctor had fathered yes another child outside of his marriage to Turquoise. That’s when their union imploded irreparably.

Bill Cosby’s zipper was also a little loose back in the day and he couldn’t pull it up fast enough before the information of his infidelity and love child reached the media’s scandal detector. What was sad and tragic, however, occurred a few years before Dr. J.’s revelation. Right after his son, Ennis, was murdered on an interstate highway, a deranged woman, Autumn Jackson, 22 at the time, tried to extort $40 million from “America’s most famous father.” Jackson said ruin his reputation by telling the tabloids that he was her father. She was eventually charged in 1997 with extortion and other federal crimes and sentenced to about a decade in prison along with her two flunkie accomplices. What is chilling and cold-blooded is that Jackson didn’t even allow Cosby to mourn the premature death of his Ivy League-educated son while she crafted her wickedness in order to plunder Cosby’s hard-earned treasure chest.

Lil Wayne … well, never mind … Don’t bother calling him, Arnold, and not just because you would need an interpreter just to decipher what he says.

We would include Diddy in this piece, but he and Teddy Riley and the rest of the rappers of their ilk — who obviously have a lot of internal seed stored away — are not married.

So we’ve done our part. We’ve provided Mr. Schwarzenegger plenty of referrals so that he can learn how to ride through this storm he created. –terry shropshire

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  • http://www.facebook.com/zondra.hughes Zondra Hughes

    WHOA!

  • JAYNE DOH!

    WHY?
    POINTLESS

  • SugaBeezyBaby!

    WOW!! Mistakes happen! Most men don’t have the sexual invites that celebs have! Imagine being to able to have almost any women you desire? Self control you say! I say walk a block or two in these guy’s shoes!

  • SugaBeezyBaby!

    WOW!! Mistakes happen! Most men don’t have the sexual invites that celebs have! Imagine being to able to have almost any women you desire? Self control you say! I say walk a block or two in these guy’s shoes!

  • Imback

    bringing up those other guys were wrong dr.j, lil wayne bill cosby & rev. jackson what about JOHN EDWARDS rolling out its makes me wonder sometimes who really owen rolling out mag !!!!  

  • Cardempsey

    Actually those men should have been consulting with Arnold.  Arnold managed to keep this out of the news while winning TWO terms as governor.  HE and his family (not the press) released this old news after his political office was over.  He obviously had control of the situation.  

  • butterface81

    This mess with Arnold S. reminds me of the days of slavery when the
    owners/masters impregnanted their slaves. I understand this
    not-so-good-looking woman was walking around in Maria’s jewelry!!!!
    What? I’ve seen some real dog photos of this other woman. I hope Maria
    goes and finds her a 30- or 40-year-old hunk, strut him around in
    Arnold’s face and keep a smile on her face!

  • Bobby

     This article was hilarious! Thanks!

  • millie

    I love your description of Bill Cosby’s zipper being a little loose and how he couldn’t zip it up fast enough!!!

  • vicca

    We’re all assuming that Arnold is the bio dad of Maria’s kids… Well, maybe she’s sneakier than we thought… get some pics of their poolboy or the limo driver, potential sperm donors are all over that household…. just sayin…

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  • Arnold Jenson

    Ol Bill be takin da rap fer some other ting. Ain no love child a comins down da pipe. All be a single sin when’s you all be usin’ da jump seed. Rollin ainno foca fer our Bill. Bills be da man fo all ours Black people. You dissin Bill, you be dissin da black man and sistas. Ol Arnie sho angry cuz no love be in fo Bill. Bill be Arnie’s frinds, and dat be all be dat.

    • RaymondReborough

      Milton is that you?