Politics

Harold Camping Predicts New Rapture on October 21; 5 Things that Must Happen First

Wed., May. 25, 2011 6:34 PM EDT
by A.R. Shaw

Harold Camping believes he understands why the Rapture failed to occur on May 21. He claims that an invisible judgement day occurred and that the physical judgement day will take place on Oct. 21, 2011. He contends that “the world is going to be destroyed all together, but it will be very quick.”

It’s highly unlikely that this irrational man’s prediction will come true. But, just in case, there are several things that must occur before the final tick. –a.r.

Dr. Dre Must Release the Detox Album: There is only one rapper who can remain relevant while making hip-hop fans wait years for an album. Dr. Dre first announced that he would release Detox in 2003. At that time, George W. Bush was in his first presidential term, and no one outside of Hawaii or Chicago had a clue about Barack Obama. Every two years, Dr. Dre teases his audience with false release dates. Let’s hope Camping’s words will incite Dr. Dre to put out Detox before the summer ends.

Denzel Washington and Halle Berry Must Star in a Love Story Directed by Spike Lee: It’s a shame that two of the most profound black American actors of this generation have never appeared on film together. Denzel Washington and Halle Berry should star in an Oscar-worthy love story that’s as compelling as Titanic. And although Spike Lee hasn’t directed a memorable movie in years, we’re  counting on him to direct one last epic film before the Rapture.

President Obama Must Pardon Mumia Abu-Jamal and Assata Shakur: President Barack Obama passed a national healthcare bill and killed the most wanted terrorist in the world. But our community will be more impressed if he pardoned political prisoners Mumia Abu-Jamal and Assata Shakur.

The Murders of Tupac and Biggie Must Be Solved: Now that Osama bin Laden has been captured and killed, the F.B.I. must focus their efforts on finding who killed Tupac and Biggie. If the U.S. has capabilities of finding bin Laden in Pakistan, Saddam Hussein in a hole, and running Khadafi out of his own country, I’m sure they can find out who killed two popular black men on major streets in Las Vegas and Los Angeles.

The NFL Lockout Must End: How terrible would it be if sports fans didn’t get a chance to witness some football before the world ends? So, the NFL must end the lockout by July. Watching a few weeks of Michael Vick, the Pittsburgh Steelers defense, rookie Cam Newton and beautiful cheerleaders could make Harold Camping’s prediction a bit easier to accept.

A.R. Shaw is the sports and music director for rolling out magazine. He is also the author of the young adult novel, 23.


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  • Anonymous

    Armageddon-aint-a-coming-so-im-a-getting-outta-here…
    If at First You Don’t Succeed, Spin It Off.
    Harold Camping sounds like he plagiarized Jehovah’s Witnesses.
    Jehovah Witnesses are a spin-off of the second Adventist which all came from the Millerite movement.American war of 1812 army captain William Miller is ground zero for Jehovah’s Witnesses. 
    Yes,the “great disappointment” of Oct 22 1844 has never died out… it lives on in the Jehovah’s Witnesses.
    The central CORE doctrine of the Watchtower,yes the reason the Watchtower came into existence was to declare Jesus second coming in 1914.When the prophecy (derived from William Miller of 1842) failed they said that he came “invisibly”.—
    Danny Haszard been there
     Armageddon-aint-a-coming-so-im-a-getting-outta-here…

  • HELP THIS MAN

    Harold Camping is a NUT CASE!! Please someone show him to the 13th floor of Grady Hospital !! LOL

  • A. Noni Mouse

    This is FUNNY AS HECK, and I’m a Christian! Love your humor, A.R. Shaw.