Herman Cain Loses Endorsement Over ‘Fake’ Mustache
The American Mustache Institute has kicked Herman Cain, to the curb. Not only for the sexual harrassment allegations, but also because his former pizza chain doesn’t have enough meat on its pies, and — gasp! — his mustache is fake.
Cain is the only GOP candidate with a mustache.
The nonprofit has rescinded its support despite praising Cain early on in his candidacy in a statement: “Amid a storm of allegations levied against Herman Cain, the American Mustache Institute today announced it had rescinded its endorsement for his presidential candidacy. Members of the AMI administration said they could not in good conscience support his candidacy on behalf of the powerful Mustached American electorate.”
It gets worse, the St. Louis-based organization charged that Cain’s mustache is a fake: “Cain’s mustache is not real, but actually a theater quality upper lip garment, and not the labia sebucula (Latin for ‘lip sweater’) he claims to have worn since his early 20s.”
The organization also slammed his pizza. Members went to Godfather’s pizza and ordered an “All Meat Combo,” but complained that the pizza “had limited meat on it at best.”
“Do you understand what ‘piled so high with beef, pepperoni, sausage, ham and bacon bits that there’s no room for any veggies’ really means?” asks the group in reference to the All Meat Combo product description. “Cain clearly does not.”
The pizza incident led to an investigation of Cain’s facial hair, and the American Mustache Institute’s CEO Abraham Jonas Froman found: “The evidence continues to mount that his mustache is a fraud.”
Herman Cain was the golden candidate for the American Mustache Institute, the world’s leading “facial hair advocacy organization.” The organization once called Cain’s candidacy “a shining beacon of freedom and hope for people.”
Cain was also nominated for the “Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year Award.”
In October, the American Mustache Institute took notice of Cain after former U.N. Ambassador John Bolton — also a mustache wearer, announced that he would not seek the nomination. At that time, The American Mustache Institute noted: that Cain could “feel comfort in knowing he has the support of the American Mustache Institute and Mustached American community overall.”
Herman Cain and his beautiful mustache would have been the first American Mustache Institute honoree to run for president.