Lindsay Lohan Has a Black Attorney: 5 Reasons She Went Black

Lindsay Lohan Has a Black Attorney: 5 Reasons She Went Black

Troubled starlet Lindsay Lohan was recently sentenced to a 90-day jail sentence based on probation violations from a 2007 DUI conviction. Lost in all of the courtroom madness was the fact that Lohan’s attorney was a black woman, Shawn Chapman Holley.

Which made me wonder: what was the thought process behind Lohan selecting Holley? I mean, I’m sure she’s an extremely competent attorney, but given Lohan’s erratic and irrational behavior, it wouldn’t surprise me if the reasoning behind her selection was a bit off.

If only I could climb inside of Lohan’s mind. Only then could I uncover the real reason behind the hiring of this black woman. In lieu of that, I’ve come up with 5 hypothetical reasons Lohan went black.


**All comments courtesy of Lindsay Lohan’s brain**

5. “Black people know their way around the courtroom — that’s why it’s good for me to hire Shawn. Since her people are always here, she must be an expert on how to deal with the judge, the jury and all of that court stuff.”


4. “White women are scared of black women — myself included. That’s why I need Shawn on my team. The judge is an old white b—- who hates my guts, and wants to punish me. But if I have a black lawyer, she can intimidate the judge and she’ll go easy on me.”

3. “Black lawyers always bail out guilty celebs — just ask O. J. Simpson. And if Johnnie Cochran can get him off on murder, then I’m pretty sure this black woman can get me off and have me back home by happy hour.”

2. “I’ve always wanted a black mammy — ever since I watched Gone With The Wind as a little girl. So in many ways, I’m finally getting to live out my dream with Shawn. She’s there when I need her, just like the jolly Negro from the movie.”

1. “If things go bad, I can always blame the black person. I know it sounds bad, but I learned this trick from America. That’s why they elected Obama in the first place, so they could have a scapegoat. Now that I’m going to jail, I can always blame it on having a black lawyer. That might help during my appeal, so it’s a win-win for me.”

**Give us your funniest spin on what was running through Lohan’s mind when she hired Shawn Chapman Holley. –djr

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Join our Newsletter

Sign up for Rolling Out news straight to your inbox.

Read more about:
Also read