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Relationship Expert: ‘Independent Women Need Love, Too’

Yanni Brown, certified relationship educator and author of Making Love Better Begins Within, has devoted 19 years to making black-on-black love an everyday reality for all.

Touting the necessity of coupling has been an uphill battle for Brown, as the very notion of black love has been under assault. Every other quarter, it seems, a new study or in-depth report examines the Single Black Woman epidemic.

On one end of the spectrum, professional black women can’t seem to find a husband, and on the other end, young black sisters don’t even want one — as 72 percent of black babies are born to single mothers.

Black love exists … you must know where to look for it.

“I’m tired of society telling us what we can and cannot do, and a lot of it has to do with us not being open,” Brown states. ‘I tell ladies all the time, if you go to the Starbucks in your neighborhood, or the bookstore, go to a different one. It’s not taking you out of your character, it’s just taking you out of your normal social setting, and putting you in a different social setting so you will have an opportunity to meet someone different.”

When you find your potential mate, you must have a meeting of the minds early on, to avoid relationship pitfalls.

Yanni Brown

“A lot of people go into relationships with unrealistic expectations, of themselves and their partners. Two or three dates mean marriage for some, although they hadn’t discussed if they want children. They didn’t ask questions: What are we doing as far as our careers? Who’s going to wash dishes? Who’s cooking in this relationship? We don’t talk about the important issues, we just go into it head-strong and love strong. We must discuss the realities of the relationship.”

As for black women in particular, you must first admit that you want and deserve to be loved. Brown suggests that black women have been conditioned to be strong and independent, and they must now learn to be receptive.

“At the end of the day, regardless of what people say, everyone wants to be loved, and if they don’t they should,” Brown shares. “You don’t want to spend all of your life alone, or all of your life being independent and not needing anyone. At some point, you will need someone for something. Open up and be ready to receive love.”

Brown will headline an all-day seminar for women, the Women’s Empowerment Conference, on April 30, from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. in Chicago. Visit the website for details.


  1. Lukeither Willingham on April 14, 2011 at 3:08 am

    Love is the principle thing.

    Lukeither Willingham

  2. Smmmoke on April 14, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    Indepedent women needing love I can agree with but as far as ‘true’ love existing today, I really don’t know about that one.
    As a black man in my upper 30s in a major city I can honestly say that I’ve never found anything close to love. I know that I’ve shown it myself and have had to take it back each time when it wasn’t reciprocated. The women who claim that they have love for me now are typically ex-girlfriends who’ve had it rough after we split. They’ve either had kids, put on substantial weight, or simply feel themselves getting up in age and want to settle down ‘while they still can’ (which is BS IMO).
    I’m not perfect by any means, but I’ve managed to steer clear of out-of-wedlock children, baggage or bitterness from my past and I have a good professional career with a very bright future. I’m extremely athletic, live healthy, progressive and positive and despite some health issues with my parents I am generally very happy.
    Still, when looking for a mate, I find that many of our women are very closed-minded, selfish and overly skeptical. I don’t think that modern American culture is conducive to getting to know the depths of a person anymore. We all seem to be so concerned with being stimulated one way or another we forget to try to understand the ways of one another and we far too often read or interpret genuine friendliness, generosity and interest as someone being desperate or needy.
    Anyway, I’ll keep looking for the one because I think we are hard-wired to do that but I really don’t feel that this society is grooming men and women to be together for long periods of time anymore. Today it seems to be all about the money that we can make and if it is compatible with what he/she earns and we have mutual attraction then that’s it…we’re in love. I rejoice that at least I’m not in that hollow of a situation.
    Thanx for reading.