It’s Independence Day, and it’s time to shed those extra pounds, aka that wrong woman who’s been holding you back and making you miserable for weeks or, perhaps, years. Use caution, however, and don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. You may have a good woman and you’ve just hit a rough patch.
However, if one of these nine offenders describe your relationship, it may be time to call it quits.
The 9 Bad Girlfriends
1. She flirts with your friends and/or cheats on you.
If your lady flirts with your friends, has multiple online dating profiles, and just can’t seem to shake her exes loose, perhaps it’s time for you to hit the road, especially if you’ve caught her cheating, Christopher Nolen of Keepin It Real radio tells rolling out.
“The best advice I can honestly give someone who has been cheated on is to understand that who they were with wasn’t for them. Once you have identified you are with a cheater, you have to leave. Bounce, and be happy with a non-cheater.”
2. She’s always high.
According to the Medical Council for Drug Education, marijuana is the most used drug in the U.S.; however, it is not harmless, especially for women. The ACDE states, “For women, regular use may disrupt normal monthly menstrual cycles and inhibit ovulation. When pregnant women use marijuana, they run the risk of having smaller babies with lower birth weights, who are more likely than other babies to develop health problems.” Studies also have found that babies are prone to developmental problems. The best route is to encourage the substance abuser to get professional help, especially if you want this woman to be your wife and the mother of your children; but if they don’t want help, you may have to bounce.
3. She is unemployed, by choice.
Your woman may have lost her job at the height of the housing crisis, and yet, somehow, she continues to club, get her hair done and hang under you — all without actively looking for a new gig. “If the other person refuses to work at all, it makes it very difficult to achieve goals and financial stability,” Luther Haynes, one of Chicago’s finest, tells rolling out. “After a while, the other person that’s working will start to feel resentment.”
4. She is verbally abusive.
Verbal abuse is widely considered “crazymaking” in academia. Unfortunately, a verbally abusive person does not know they’re doing it and, because of this, they will not stop, says author Patricia Evans in her book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond. Evans states, “Verbal abuse is hostile aggression. The abuser is not provoked … and is not motivated to change.”
Haynes says you should leave your abuser. “A woman should lift her man up in a relationship and not drag him down.”
5. She issues ultimatums. Solid relationships require negotiation at times, but, once an ultimatum (or threat to leave) is issued, all bets are off. If you don’t change your Facebook status to “engaged,” she will dump you. If you don’t buy her that Gucci clutch, she will dump you. If you don’t stop hanging with your boys, she will dump you. When will the madness end? Probably when she dumps you. So, make your move first.
6. She is a financial drain. Her money is her money, and your money is her money, too. This lady is a leech, and she’s bleeding you dry. “Remember the saying that if you hang with nine broke friends, you are bound to be the tenth,” author Lotario Jointer quips. “Only stick around if your partner has a plan to change her current situation.”
7. She disrespects your children. At some point, all children are disobedient, but that’s no reason for your girlfriend to berate them under the guise of discipline. If she disrespects your children, make an exit, Jointer tells rolling out. “Your children are one-half of you. She is disrespecting your children as well as you.”
8. She’s a deadbeat mom. A cultural shift shows that more women are skipping out on their parental responsibilities, as first widely reported by Fox news. If your woman doesn’t support her children, (emotionally and financially) not only is she a loser, in some states, she can receive jail time. Vamoose.
9. She does not believe in you.
Behind every great man, there’s a great woman … except for you. Your woman would rather walk on her lips than give you a supportive word about that new company you’re launching. Or, she may even tell you that your idea is a great one, but you’re just not the brother to carry it out. Ouch. Newsflash: If you’re sharing your dreams and goals with someone else, you’re already halfway out the door. Just keep on walking dude. Find yourself a helpmate.
Once you decide to leave, don’t drag it out; move quickly, adds Nolen. “You do not want to waste your time or their time,” he states. “It is always best to be honest immediately.”
Luther Haynes adds: “It will hurt to leave someone you love, but if they’re not making you feel beautiful inside, why stay and be miserable? There is someone out there who will truly love you for who you are, but she can never be with you if someone else is standing in her place.”
It’s Independence Day. Claim yours and get that no-good woman out of your life. –zondra hughes