By now, you’ve heard the news that Robin Thicke may go down in history as the worst hostage ever. All it took was a bottle of vodka, a lack of Vicodin, and a court deposition to convince Thicke to starting confessing everything … and I literally mean everything. From being so doped up that he didn’t compose any parts of “Blurred Lines,” to him possibly stealing Jimmy Chitwood’s lunch money in the 5th grade, Thicke’s deposition reads like a man suffering from a serious case of diarrhea of the mouth (Note: we’re not entirely sure who Jimmy Chitwood is, or if he even made it to the 5th grade).
The most shocking revelation out of court files was that Thicke was not the song architect of his number one song … even though he frequently claimed as much. That in itself is really big news. Which got us to thinking…
Since “Blurred Lines” — which is Thicke’s biggest hit by far —was the focus of the lawsuit, then maybe every other news outlet dropped the ball by ignoring other possible nuggets during his deposition. So we put together a short list of three things that might (or might not) have been said during Thicke’s confessional.
1. “Justin Timberlake ain’t got s– on me!”
I have to imagine that this deposition was pretty emotional for Thicke as he
wet his pants was forced to confess deep dark secrets about his hit song and failed marriage. But is it that far out of the realm of possibility that Thicke grew frustrated with the questions about his career, and sounded off on every other thing that was grating at him? Like, for instance, him always having to play second fiddle in the “White Boys With Soul Olympics” to Justin Timberlake. Who’s to say that Thicke didn’t jump on the table and go full blown Denzel in Training Day on the lawyers? We can neither confirm nor deny that happened.
2. “My dad is a better songwriter than me.”
While Thicke reigned supreme last summer, his dad Alan may have ruled an entire decade with a hit sitcom (Growing Pains), and a magic pen that was responsible for some of the most memorable theme songs of a generation (The Facts of LIfe, Diff’rent Strokes). So let’s be honest; can Thicke really compare to that type of catalog? Of course not. And through the fog of the Ciroc, he may have confessed as much.
3. “I may be in the minority here, but I really preferred dark skinned Aunt Viv over the light one.”
What may be the most surprising “fact” from that fateful day was that not all of Thicke’s confessions were self-centered. In fact, his most passionate rant may have come when he lamented Will Smith’s decision to replace Aunt Viv mid stream without telling anyone. It’s a still a sensitive subject for many —this writer included — and it was a point that Thicke was sure to drive home.
In the end, who can really know for sure what was said in that room? I mean, sure, there was a courtroom stenographer recording everything, but what does she really know? My heart is telling me that we may be on the verge of hearing so much more from Thicke’s fascinating drunken confessional.