Have you ever gotten burned by a mate’s poor understanding of your relationship expectations? Here are three ways to avoid that problem in the future.
One of the main reasons relationships break down is because expectations from both mates are mismatched. Most people have experienced situations during a break where their mate has said, “You’re not the person that I fell in love with,” or “You’ve changed.” Expectations within a relationship are countless and varied. Below, you will find the most common expectation faux-pas to avoid.
- Hygiene. I didn’t think I needed to say this, but here you go — Don’t just bathe and wear deodorant on your first date, but instead extend this courtesy to the other person each and every time. Bad hygiene is never acceptable!
- Your Career. How many times have you heard, “I’m a record producer,” or “I’m a model”? Please don’t try to be someone that you’re not. And definitely avoid inflating your position. You’ve just told your potential mate that “I’m the VP of Marketing,” when in fact, you’re the marketing assistant. Really? There are a few reasons to avoid this. First of all, it’s bound to catch up with you. At some point, you’ll bump into your work colleagues or friends and the truth will be revealed, making you look very dishonest. Secondly, if you try to live this lie, you’ll also need to have the money/lifestyle that reflects it, which will probably break the bank (and not piggy). Not to mention, if you are living this lie, you’re going to attract a gold digger or two (male or female), who will not be around when they find out the truth.
- Being Romantic. Like the saying goes, “Whatever you did to get me, you’ll need to do to keep me.” This statement applies to both parties. If you were presenting flowers or cooking dinner for the first six dates, then on the eighth date, all you give is a hug or a Big Mac from McDonald’s ….? Why set yourself up for this fall? This is a sure way to an unsuccessful relationship!
- Sex. Boasting about being the king or queen in the bedroom is a big reputation to live up to. If you go for hours on the first or second encounter (to impress your mate) and then 10 minutes for each future meeting, things will not progress in that relationship or in the bedroom. Honesty is always the best policy. Always be honest about these things, or don’t mention them at all. It’s better to be surprised rather than being frustrated and disappointed.
- Money. Money is very important to some people and less important to others. However, what’s important is that you each respect the other’s boundaries regarding it. You don’t always have to talk about how much money you have in the bank or about how you’re always paying for everything. No one wants to hear it and it could lead to resentment later in your relationship.
- Your Speech. Some people are even tempted to completely change their speech patterns and behaviors when dating someone for the first time. They will pretend to be of a different social category, using “upper class” pronunciation and phraseology. However, at some point in your relationship, the real you is bound to make an appearance. Your mate will then realize that you’re a fraud and you should feel quite stupid!
Approaching relationship expectations may be uncomfortable ground, but if you want it to last, then you’ve got to make sure that you’re being true to yourself. – myra harris
–myra c. harris is the author of How to Get a Man: From the Kitchen, to the Bedroom, to the Ring, which can be purchased at www.letaypublishing.com.
