How to avoid the pitfalls of a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship

Photo credit: wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock
Photo credit: wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock

It all starts out so simple. You were friends; then you decided to “get busy.” Then you both decide to remain friends and continue to get busy with no emotional commitment. That’s it …  no strings attached. Is it that simple? No. There’s never anything simple about it. On the surface, it makes sense to enjoy sex with someone you can trust, if neither of you are ready for a serious relationship. Friends with benefits can have great sex, but do you know the risks? And, for some strange reason, FWB always turns into a bad situation. The following nine tips should help you to avoid such an atrocity.

  1. Don’t try to date your FWB. Going out with someone who you have a strictly sexual relationship with leaves the door open for emotional attachment (from both parties). Emotional attachment will then lead to feelings. You get the picture – you’re not in a relationship.
  2. Don’t sleep with two friends from the same circle. It’s too risky and you might get caught, especially if both of them are trying to flirt with you at the dinner table or trying to reach for your crotch from under the table (at the same time). This applies to men and women!
  3. Avoid sleeping with a good friend. As sexually attracted as you may be, avoid having sex with a good friend, as there are underlying emotional ties. You will lose that friend or both of you will hate each other within a short period of time.
  4. Don’t become territorial. Remember you are not the girlfriend or boyfriend.
  5. Understand that your relationship will never be the same again. After being naked and getting busy, it manages to change everything.
  6. Mentally date someone else. Don’t talk about your personal lives with each other. But convince yourselves that the other person is actually dating someone else. It’ll help avoid falling for each other.
  7. Don’t introduce your FWB to your family/friends. The biggest faux pas is introducing them to your family and friends. If you introduce them to the people that matter in your life, and they end up liking the person, you’ll never hear the end of it. Save yourself some unneeded stress!
  8. Know the difference between a backup and a FWB. A backup and an FWB are two completely different things. A backup is a friend that you probably aren’t sleeping with. You bring them to family functions, office events, parties, etc. This person is probably your best friend of the opposite sex. They are also someone that you may eventually end up with because everyone in your life already respects and loves them. Backups are out there for everyone to see, but friends with benefits are for your eyes only.
  9. No Cuddling. The beauty of a friends with benefits relationship is that normal rules don’t apply. You don’t have to hug and cuddle afterwards, or spend the night and cook breakfast. Just tell the person what you like, how you’d like them to give it to you and how frequently.

When it’s all said and done, just get yours, while practicing safe sex! Happy humping!

–myra c. harris is the author of How to Get a Man: From the Kitchen, to the Bedroom, to the Ring, which can be purchased at


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