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Dirty little secrets: Are you one of them?

Photo credit: Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock

Photo credit: Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock

Recently, I made a post asking people if they had ever been in a secret relationship, meaning had they dated someone who never introduced them to their friends or family members for a long period of time. Surprisingly, many people admitted that they had indeed faced that kind of scenario. One woman said that she had been with a man for ten years who never admitted it to anyone because of her weight. She eventually came to her senses but she will never get that decade back.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with looks but fear of commitment, running games, and — of course — being married and not being upfront about it. I can never comprehend why anyone would subject himself or herself to such a thing. In an upcoming novel, one of my characters allows a man to only meet her in the middle of the night in a greasy diner at a truck stop. Now common sense should have told her that he was trying to hide the fact that he was seeing her. He would meet her there for a cheap, nasty meal and then take her to the adjoining hotel to engage in hot and sweaty sex. Now while that may be a little over the top, situations like that do happen. Men will either come over and chill, and never take you out on dates, or they will take you to places way out in the cut where only tourists or people passing through would frequent. Not a good look. Don’t allow someone to make you his or her dirty little secret.

On the flip side, if you are harboring a dirty little secret of your own, I hope that you have at least come clean with the other person with bluntness and honesty. It is only fair. Now some people are down with being a secret lover and meeting up to slap skins. Those are not the ones I am speaking of. I am talking about the ones who sincerely believe that a bona fide relationship is in the making when there is zero chance of that actually happening. Some people play way too many games with the hearts of others and then get offended when the tides turn. We live in an age where many people still do desire the marriage, kids and white picket fence. However, just as many are content to have casual situations and hookups. The key is for both people to be on the same page, and not in completely different chapters.



1 Comment

  1. Selina Omenaa Affram on September 29, 2015 at 11:51 pm

    Well Zane you are right on! And personally you are one of my She-ros. Navigating through relationships are tough enough especially when adding the factor of realness…figuring out if what you have with some one else is real or just a means of passing time. I personally want to be happily married one day and I appreciate ALL of your relationship advice. Thanks Zane!
    ~Ena