Let me start by saying that I absolutely despise the terms, “baby’s mama” and “baby’s daddy.” They both equally make my skin crawl. I instantly get annoyed when someone refers to me as my man’s baby’s mama or him as my baby’s daddy. In any case, the term is widely accepted by the masses and embraced by many people who identify with those titles.
Now that this is out of the way, I want to address an issue that many of us women are or were guilty of at some point. When dating a man with a child or children from previous relationships or situationships, we often have a bias against the mother of those children. Usually our bias is related to her behavior or treatment of us or the man in our lives. These women can be bitter b-words who often go out of their way to punish the father of their children. Because of that, we tend to dismiss their every concern, complaint or feeling as resentment or bitterness.
These women act childish, call us names and in some cases are known to get physical with the new woman in a man’s life. While I refuse to justify this behavior, I’ve forced myself to try to understand things from their perspective. Why? Because I could never imagine being in their shoes. You see, I really enjoy having a family, raising my daughter in a two-parent household with someone I plan to spend the rest of my life with.
I enjoy our family days, and not having to share or alternate holidays with my child. I enjoy all of the perks of having a child by someone who truly wanted to start a family with me. So while I can’t agree with the tantrums, the pettiness and the downright craziness, I’d never in a million years want to trade places with her.
The infamous “baby mama” may be wrong on many occasions, but she isn’t wrong to call and ask for more money. She may really need the extra help. No matter how much money he may have just given her, or you guys collectively spend on the children, things come up that are unavoidable. She isn’t wrong to catch an attitude when your man can’t deliver for her child, for whatever reason. Your household priorities aren’t her concern, her children are. She isn’t even wrong for sometimes wishing they had worked out, so her children could have been raised with both parents in the household. Now, that doesn’t mean she gets to try any funny business though, not at all. But you can’t hate a girl for dreaming.
This definitely doesn’t mean that you or he should accept disrespect of any kind from her. It means that sometimes you simply have to remove your bias against her and look at things from her perspective. As women, we really need to move away from the woman/wife vs. child’s mother beef that is often present with blended families. If not out of respect for one another, out of respect for the children who are often caught in the middle of it all.