Are you the backup or plan B chick?

black couple in bed
Photo credit: wavebreakmedia /

Are you the backup or plan B chick? Ladies, have you ever been in a situation where you parted ways and blamed yourself and even prayed to have him back in your life again? You promise to be a better mate, if you are given the opportunity. You feel lost, empty, unhappy and miserable. You would do anything to have just one more chance. Well, your prayers are answered; the phone rings and it’s him. He tells you all the things to make you swoon and emphatically apologizes, while begging to come over. Of course, you oblige. He comes over and tells you how miserable he has been without you and how you are the only one he’s been able to think about since you went your separate ways. And, now you have butterflies, again.

Have you forgotten about all the pain, grief and stress that he caused when he walked away from your relationship, while breaking your heart at the same time? Of course, you are in your feelings now, and forgetting about how he just dropped you to date his coworker several months ago — with no explanation. You really want to believe that everything he is saying is true and that you are the missing piece to his puzzle, which completes him.

Ladies, if you don’t know by now, his lines are all scripted and unfortunately, you have taken the bait. Now, you are witnessing the same behavior as before. He doesn’t call, take you out or treat you with respect and now you’re wondering what happened?

First of all, you made it too easy for him to come back and it was a confirmation to him, that you are willing to accept the plan B chick behavior. With that being said, here are some key pointers that should keep you from falling into this trap.

  • Stop waiting by the phone, waiting for it to ring or gazing at your text messages.
  • Don’t hold any animosity or resentment, which can cause you to be stressed or sick.
  • The next time he calls and wants to see you, tell him that you’re busy. The second call — you’ll think about it. The third call — you’re still thinking about it. The fourth call — you need to discuss it with your new boo (even if you don’t have one). The fifth call — tell him that you are available for dinner and that you need to see his changed behavior. If you see any remnants of his previous act or behavior, cut him loose. At this point, it should not bother you to let him go.

Ladies, if you don’t want to fall into the plan B trap, you must have the plan A mentality, which allows you to attract someone who respects and honors you. Stop waiting for the guy who isn’t sure that you’re enough and respect yourself enough to wait for the one that knows that you are.

Sadly enough, I have experienced this firsthand. Ladies, we each deserve someone who is not afraid to commit. You are definitely worthy to be loved, respected, honored, pursued, adored and chosen, so don’t settle for anything less. As soon as you hear a man tell you “why do we have to add labels to or define our relationship?”; this really translates to “I’m only going to be around until I find something better.” Really? Don’t ever allow anyone to have that kind of power over you. And, never think that you are not worthy enough to be claimed or that if you set your standards too high, you might end up alone. It is always better to be alone than to be disrespected or taken for granted. Always love yourself and put yourself first.

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