Are you smothering your mate in your relationship?

angry couple
Photo credit: wavebreakmedia / Shutterstock.com

Are you smothering your mate in your relationship?  Have you loved your mate so much that it begins to suffocate them and he or she starts to feel “imprisoned” in the relationship? This type of love is better known as “smothering” and may even come across as controlling and overwhelming.  In most instances, it’s never about love, but rather your own selfish needs. However, when you love your mate, you should always want the best for you and your relationship.

When you smother, you really don’t care about what is best for your mate, but are really focusing on your own selfish needs and wants. Unfortunately, this love can make your mate feel manipulated and can be too exhausting to live up to. If you have experienced any of the following signs, then you just may be in a smothering relationship:

Love is generous. When you genuinely love your mate, you put their needs and wants before your own, which is the complete opposite of smothering.

Too much attention is required. Smothering requires constant attention, while trying to make them feel better and receiving full attention from you (at the same time). They require the attention to make them feel important, which validates their ego with little to no thought to your relationship.

No patience. When you love your mate, you continue to be patient with them through the relationships “ups” and “downs.” Situations will arise where you will not be able to give your mate a lot of attention for whatever reason — work, hobbies, family, health issues, etc. However, when you really care about your mate, you learn to readjust your expectations and work around the current situation and not get angry when your mate is preoccupied with other things, which are only temporary.  Patience is truly a virtue!

Very selfish. When you smother your mate, it is all about you. And, when you don’t get what you want, you become frustrated, angry and irritated. This behavior appears clingy and desperate.  If you ask me, it is very immature!

Becomes Overwhelming. When you smother, you overwhelm your mate, as you are operating from a place of fear – that you may be losing them. You constantly check up on them — “Where are you going?”; “What time will you be home?”; “Who are you meeting?”  As if that’s not enough, you start calling and texting them and may even make an appearance wherever they may be. This behavior is very suffocating and can make your mate feel that you don’t trust them.

Controlling behavior. When you have a smothering mate, it prevents you from being able to spend quality time with your family and friends, as they will always have issues with who you are with, where you are going and those persons that you interacting with. Their goal is to control you, which is very sad.

Not encouraging. When you genuinely care about your mate, you want the best for them and encourage their dreams and aspirations.  However, when you are in a smothering relationship, the selfish mate stunts your growth and never supports your goals, as they are too insecure that you may end up in a better situation and perhaps with someone better.

Ladies and gentlemen, it does not matter how much you care or love your mate; when you smother them, eventually they will feel trapped, angry and resentful. This is never acceptable behavior, so please stop.  Each of you deserves your own space and the freedom to enjoy your hobbies, friends and family without being or feeling controlled.

Myra C. Harris
Myra C. Harris

The author of How to Get a Man: From the Kitchen, to the Bedroom, to the Ring, which can be purchased at www.letaypublishing.com.



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