With the season premiere of Iyanla Vanzant’s “Fix My Life,” the myth of the angry Black woman is once again in the spotlight. In multiple episodes, Vanzant examines how our pain and trauma affect our relationships with ourselves and with others. She facilitated an intense dialogue between the women in her “house of healing” and Black men who prefer to date women of other races. It was a familiar exchange that has become the norm instead of the exception — Black women and Black men exchanging stories of blame and frustration.
Disparaging images of Black women propagated within mainstream media convince society that we’re undeserving of respect and reverence. Our expressions of fear and sadness, along with our passion and determination, are often misinterpreted as anger. It’s not about denying or excusing bad behavior — it’s about recognizing that “angry Black woman” is a label that scapegoats and stigmatizes. Anger is not our default emotion.
In an effort to promote positive conversations between Black men and women, rolling out spoke with Black men who date/love Black women. Check out their candid and insightful perspectives:
“I’ve always dated Black women because for me as a Black man, my greatest strength has been from a sistah. My greatest joys have been celebrated with my wife and at my lowest times, I’ve made it through with my wife. Black women not only have an outward beauty but an overall essence that can’t be matched … from being a spiritual partner to a voice of wisdom that says, ‘Baby, it’ll be okay.'” -Damon Thompson
“The plight of a Black man is real; we have enough to deal with in this crazy world and who better to achieve my success with than a Black woman that understands my struggle and our struggle as Black people? My other reason is the beauty and build of our Black woman; there is nothing sexier than waking up, walking with and worshiping with my Black [woman].” -Eric Colts
“I am mostly attracted to the beauty, the elegance and the swag. I had a very beautiful and lovely mom, so I look to find that in my mate.” -Marvin Essix
“I fell in love with my lady because she has a heart of gold. Her support for me is endless and she accepts me for me. She’s hardworking and loves unconditionally. She is beautiful and I love her smile. I love spending time with her and can’t wait to marry her.” -Laurence Robinson
“From [Black women] I have dated, worked with, [am] related to or just as friends, they are great. I’m amazed at the women in my circle — generous, smart, hard-working and talented in their industries and great mothers. I’m blessed.” -Darren Nichols
“Most men will complain about a Black woman’s attitude, but that attitude shows passion and can keep a man humble. The love I have for my mother and grandmas will always lead me to the love of a Black woman because the love from Black women was the first love I’ve ever experienced.” -Jermaine
“Because sisters are our Nubian queens, we should celebrate them in love, support and partnership. The question isn’t why do I stay in my race. The salient question is why would you ever leave?” -Lamont Corbin
“Black women are like water to the Black man. Sure we can drink Kool-aid, pop and wine, but nothing will keep us as strong, vibrant or clean like the soul water a Black woman brings to nourish us.” -Karanji Kaduma
“Every woman that has loved, cared for, nourished, educated (with few exceptions) advocated for me, etc.—has been a Black woman. I have known that love for the entirety of my life and can’t imagine entertaining anything else.” -Harry Weaver III
“I prefer to date a Black woman because she has the nurturing ability that other races do not have. She can take a man’s idea and manifest it to reality. If I am going to give my seed to a woman, then it will be my Black queen because if something happens to me, she will make sure to nurture that seed to be the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be.” -Turune Williams
“I don’t think there is another group of women that have been through what Black women have, yet you maintain your strength despite all that has been and still is thrown at you. Other women are willing to pay to gain the things that publicly are said to be unattractive. Our people would be lost without you. Brains and beauty. Strength and style. Character, charisma, grace, poise, and heart that just doesn’t seem to quit. To me, Black women just have that “it” factor. No one can do it quite like a Black woman can.” -Rodney Frank