5 signs they aren’t good enough for you

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You’ve been ignoring the signs for far too long. And while your mother, close friends, and the entire church usher board all want you to move on to someone new, you continue to faithfully stand by the “love” of your life.

Under a different set of circumstances, I would actually applaud you resolving to be your own person. But on this one, even I have to question your decision. Why? Well, it’s painfully obvious that you could do so much better for yourself.


However, since you continue to turn a blind eye to the truth, it’s time for me to pull out the big guns with the following “5 Signs They Aren’t Good Enough For You.” Maybe this will serve as your official wake-up call.

No. 1 You always have to dumb down your conversations.


No one wants to spend their entire day discussing quantum physics or complex tax codes. But wouldn’t it be nice to have a significant other capable of occasionally stimulating your mind? For example, remember that time you expressed excitement about running a 5K race, and the only response you got was, “why do you want to run 5,000 miles?!?!?”

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Well, that unfortunate exchange should have served as a clear indicator that your mental needs would never be met in this relationship.

No. 2  You always have to encourage them to try new things.

The reality that your significant other lacks a natural curiosity about life is eerily reminiscent of the time I had to share a bed with Whoopi Goldberg (long story.)

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In both instances, there was a noticeable absence of any desire to explore or try new things. But while my night with Whoopi was just a singular incident, your lover’s dispassionate approach to life appears to be the story of their existence. Maybe it’s time you found someone who’s just as excited as you are about living life to the fullest.

No. 3 They have poor hygiene. 

“I’ll clean that mess up later.”

“I’ll take a shower when I get back.”

“I mostly swallowed my food without chewing, so I don’t have to brush my teeth.”

“I’m late for work, so I’ll just keep this underwear on.”

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You would think that cleanliness was some form of inhumane torture the way your significant other consistently avoids it. Now we all have our messy, “I don’t care” moments in life. But this seems to be a recurring theme with your lover. So the question now becomes, how can you honestly expect someone to properly care for your relationship if they don’t even care enough about something as important as their own hygiene?

No. 4 They get in trouble with the law.

Is it just me, or is your significant other always having some sort of “misunderstanding” with the police? Could it be that they’re just unlucky? Or do they have a fundamental problem with following the rules? If your answer is the latter, then it’s time to do some serious soul searching. At the end of the day, a relationship is simply an agreement (filled with rules) that is made between two people. So if your mate can’t follow the basic laws of the land, then can you reasonably expect them to abide by the rules of an exclusive relationship? Just food for thought.

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No. 5 The only thing going for them is looks.

Let’s be perfectly clear about something: you have a lot going for yourself. You’re smart, funny, goal-oriented, you have good health insurance … and that all adds up to is you being an incredibly well-rounded person. But when you begin to look at your significant other—well, once you get past their looks—there’s not much to them. Just looks.

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Here’s the bottom line. If physical attraction is the only thing that’s keeping you in the relationship, then you may need to rethink your dating philosophy because that won’t last forever. As Hillary Clinton’s poll numbers can attest, things can drastically change overnight. (Too soon?)

The moral: Look, I’m not trying to willfully attack your relationship. To be honest, I’m just hoping that this cause you the serious consider what you do and don’t have in your relationship. If you’re able to find any morsel of validity in what I’ve said, then I think it’s wildly apparent what needs to be done.

But if you still feel like this is the person for you—even after all of these signs — then, by all means, follow your heart. Just don’t ask to complain to me when you’re in the middle of running those 5,000 miles.

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