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Could you choose polygamy over consistent cheating? Does honesty add shame?

Photo credit: Elegant / Shutterstock.com

Photo credit: Elegant / Shutterstock.com

I was having a deep conversation with a girlfriend who is seeing a guy with a known wandering eye. She filled me in on the latest woman she discovered her man was cheating with. She compared herself to the other woman and exclaimed her disgust at the fact that he would deal with this particular woman because she was older, less attractive, etc.

This is probably the fifth or sixth woman she’s caught this man dealing with and her approach is always the same: stalk the woman’s social media, find negative things about the woman and then she cries and later they make up. I can admit I’ve become a bit numb to the guy’s shenanigans, so I suggested what I thought would be a great progressive alternative to her consistent heartbreak. “What if you just sat down with the other woman he is seeing and you all agree to make the relationship work together?” I suggested.

My friend physically recoiled in disgust at my suggestion. “Are you serious? I would never do that,” she said, obviously irritated with me. I nodded in agreement but I was thinking, isn’t that what you are already doing? Except instead of accepting this man’s truth, you are forcing him to lie to you over and over again for no reason.

The end result of both situations is a man that you know is sleeping with other women. I believe women would have much less stress if they sat down with their partner and found a happy medium for both parties. Arguing about infidelity on a regular basis is a major source of stress, which causes any relationship to be unhappy.

Atlanta matchmaker Shae Primus agreed with my rationale: “The difference between infidelity and polyamory is one is open and honest. With polyamory, no one is hiding or cheating. Everyone is aware of the situation and has agreed to the relationship.”

Atlanta has earned a reputation for being a city full of notoriously cheating men and women. An Atlanta resident, Lisa, 41, agrees that polygamy offers the benefit of honesty. “I know several couples that live this lifestyle and they have fewer arguments and stress than couples constantly dealing with infidelity,” she explains.

“If it’s something that a woman enjoys, she can have a great relationship with the other woman. There are some relationships where the women are like sisters or best friends and some where the women are lovers. Either way, it offers additional support,” Lisa says. “I’ve seen relationships like this last for years, much longer than many monogamous relationships.”

Man-sharing is a sensitive subject, but I think it’s one we need to talk about because many women are sharing their man whether it’s voluntarily or involuntarily. “Being realistic about your goals and boundaries is the best way. A great way to do this is for both sides of the relationship to practice honesty by any means necessary,” Primus adds.

Would you be open to trying polygamy in 2017? Why?