Is your girl a ‘down-low’ lesbian? Double standard when it comes to sex

Photo credit: Daniel Korzeniewski / Shutterstock.com

It is often said that a woman should be in full charge of her power and sexuality.

A recent article published by rolling out titled  “3 reasons men are choosing the transgender side chick” provoked a heated response from many readers. The article did not offer an opinion or excuse for men to be with transgenders, only three reasons given drawn from interviews with current and former sex workers.

Both men and women took a strong position on the issue that if a man has sex with a transgender male, he is gay. There were also comments that stated that transgenders should say upfront if they are really a man.

Also exposed in the comments was the double-standard when it comes to men, women and same sex encounters. Men have sex with men and also women have sex with women. There are some women who confessed that they engaged in at least one same sex encounter in their life and moved on saying it was not for them. These women clearly identify as heterosexual and are girlfriends, wives, and mothers who have been in long term relationships. They do not consider themselves lesbians after these encounters. But, why not?

According to a CDC study titled “Sexual Behavior, Sexual Attraction, and Sexual Orientation Among Adults Aged 18–44 in the United States: Data From the 2011–2013 National Survey of Family Growth”:

-When it came to women of color, the researchers found “11.2 percent of Hispanic women have engaged in same-sex sexual contact compared with 19.6 percent of White women and 19.4 percent of Black women.”

-In addition, “Women were also more likely than men to report having same-sex sexual contact. Compared with 17.4 percent of women, only 6.2 percent of men said they had ever had this activity.”

-Also in the study which had 9K respondents, there was a surprising number of young black women who identify as lesbian. The study stated that 58% identified as LGBT.
Looking at the popular online website Craigslist, there are hundreds of women who are seeking “no strings attached'” (NSA) encounters in major cities.

In Atlanta, the first 120 ads on the site are predominantly from young Black women and feature highly graphic images. Some of these ads state that they are looking for discrete encounters because they are in relationships with men and want to experiment. There are even some ads that show transgender women who could pass for men seeking “lipstick” or “femme” lesbians. In addition, there are some women on the site who are specifically lesbian only escorts.

Can a woman be tricked into having sex with another woman? Absolutely. There have been a few cases of women who may hide their breasts with bandages and use a strap-on realistic looking penis to fool their female lovers. But most times when a woman engages in sex with another woman, she knows.

The reasons women turn to women for intimacy vary, but here are a few common factors:

Emotional trauma from past relationships– Some women have stated that the issues of infidelity, emotional or physical abuse by men were a factor in turning to women. This seems to put the blame solely on the man in this case. But abuse also occurs in lesbian relationships and can be just as bad, if not worse.

Lack of suitable men- For these women, the male dating pool may not offer a man with financial stability, emotional maturity and no relationship baggage.

Emotional support and independence- Some women feel attracted to other women on an emotional level built upon the bonds that no man can fully understand.

quiriah Vessel and fiance (Photo Source: GoFundMe/ Help Us Make Our Dream Come

Swinging- Some women have stated that they have had lesbian encounters as a decision with their male partners in a threesome. This can lead to the woman developing an emotional attachment with her female lover that will exclude the man from future encounters. This was the case of two young Black women who both became pregnant by the same man after multiple threesomes.

Mo Barnes
Mo Barnes

Maurice "Mo" Barnes is a graduate of Morehouse College and Political Scientist based in Atlanta. Mo is also a Blues musician. He has been writing for Rolling Out since 2014. Whether it means walking through a bloody police shooting to help a family find justice or showing the multifaceted talent of the Black Diaspora I write the news.



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