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Relation-tips: Is struggle love a necessary step to happily ever after?

Gucci and wife Keisha Ka’oir (Photo credit: Shutterstock.com / Jamie Lamor Thompson)

Question: Gucci Mane, Snoop and several other celebrities have praised their significant others for staying with them through infidelity and various other relationship woes. Do you think “struggle love” is a necessary stage all relationships go through?

Terry: No, I don’t believe that struggle love is necessary to have a healthy relationship. I think people experience struggle love when they get in relationships with people they really aren’t compatible with or get in them when one or more of the parties isn’t mature enough for a serious relationship. A person accepting horrible treatment from their spouse in the name of love rarely has a happy ending or develops into a healthy relationship.

We all grow, mature, learn from our mistakes and change our priorities as life events dictate. So it’s possible for the quality of a relationship to improve over time. I wouldn’t recommend enduring a toxic relationship with the hopes that one day it will become a fairy tale scenario.

Christal: I don’t believe that struggling and constantly being hurt by your partner is a necessary step to achieving happiness in a relationship. I think that when we hear stories from celebrities and/or even friends and family it’s important to realize that we all define struggle differently.  One person may feel infidelity is a deal breaker, while someone else may not see it as such. We all have different goals and expectations for our relationships.  I think it’s important not to compare yourself or your expectations for a relationship to other people.

With that being said, I do think all relationships go through periods of adjusting and learning one another. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship or happily ever after. Any relationship worth having is going to require constant work and communication.  Recently Michael Ealy spoke out about attending pre-marital counseling with his wife. Gabriel Union and Dwayne Wade have also been vocal about putting in work to make their marriage successful.

To sum things up I believe there is value in working with your partner to achieve a healthy relationship.  Working together on your relationship and struggling while one person disrespects a relationship are two very different things.

If you have a question you would like to see featured in “Relation-tips,” email it to [email protected] You can follow relationship expert Terry Deron at @terryderon and rolling out’s Relationships Editor Christal Jordan at @enchantedpr.