10. Katt Williams – Pimped-out comic with an Al Sharpton relaxer
Williams isn’t your typical stand-up comic. He resembles a black leprechaun with sexy-wind-blown hair. Although he’s short in stature, he’s large in style, talent and swagger. With movies, videos, concert dates and TV shows like “Wildin’ Out” and “The Boondocks” under his pimp belt, his career can only soar higher it seems.
Why He’s Nuts: His career may not be the only thing soaring higher, IDK if he’s on that ‘stuff’ (Cocaine is a hell-of-a drug.) but he’s been wildin’ out like Britney Spears and ‘nem lately. First there’s the diva behavior, then he’s committed to the nut house by his own people (albeit a brief stay) and now he was recently arrested for Kat-burglary (couldn’t resist) and kidnapping? Pimp down y’all!
Prescription: Katt needs a break from all the haters and media so he can just unwind with some good old R and R … Rollers and Revlon!
9. Michael Richards – The manic character ‘Kramer’ on ‘Seinfeld” who stole singer Michel’le’s hairstyle (circa 1991).
Michael has made a lucrative career out of playing various, loony characters on TV and in movies but it’s his portrayal of Kramer on the iconic show “Seinfeld” that will carve him in sitcom history forever.
Why He’s Nuts: His Kramer character may have made him famous but his racist name-calling at an L.A. comedy club gained him notoriety. He even accidentally influenced the country to bury a word that unfortunately is the “Jason” of racial epithets, you can’t kill it and it won’t die. I don’t care how you abbreviate it.
Prescription: After all the outrage over “N——Gate,” miraculously Richards escaped an ass-whippin.’ I just knew one had his name on it and it might still be on layaway; you never know. To make sure he stays in good health (and alive), I recommend he stay out of any comedy club that isn’t out in the boonies. In fact, he should just stick to “Seinfeld” reunions, it’s not like he needs the money.
8. Mo’Nique – Brassy comedienne who nearly started a revolution against skinny b——- everywhere and screaming “baby” every 15 minutes.
Let’s be clear, Mo’Nique is my gurrrl. I’ve watched her go from doing stand-up in “The Queens of Comedy,” to a sitcom “The Parkers,” leading movie roles, hosting a beauty pageant, a radio show, a clothing line and now her own late night talk show. She’s looking good too, now if only she would stop yelling at us.
Why She’s Nuts: According to Mo, she and her husband have an open marriage and it’s not cheating if your spouse knows about it. Riiight, uh-huh, that is until Mo’Nique comes home from a late night of joking, dancing and screaming “Baby!” at her TV audience only to find a skinny b—- she hadn’t previously approved of also screaming “Baby!” in her bed. I don’t know about you, but I imagine something like an Al Green or Brenda Richie moment.
Prescription: Stop taking the ‘blue pill.’ Wake up from The Matrix and join us in reality before you hurt somebody. Prison orange isn’t cute on anyone.
7. Sacha Baron Cohen – Plays annoying and bold, fictional characters.
Cohen is a widely celebrated British comedian-actor who takes his characterizations to the next level by interviewing real people while in character and costume. He’s made a lot of money from his movies and TV Shows as characters: Ali G, Borat and Brüno. Even though he’s pissing off a lot of folks along the way, Baron’s laughing all the way to the bank.
Why He’s Nuts: Baron also takes controversy to the next level. He’s managed to piss of people from so many different countries and ethnicities that he needs his own United Nations’ grievance department. After watching him dangle his flat, pale ass in front of Eminem’s face during the MTV movie awards, all I could think was he had the right member of Shady/Aftermath. Now imagine if that had been Dre or 50. Exactly.
Prescription: After being forced to watch Baron’s hairy, white butt replay on the news every other hour for a week, I’m convinced he needs an enema. Stat!
6. Martin Lawrence – The comedian known for his arsenal of hilarious and familiar characterizations.
If the ‘70s belonged to Richard Pryor and the ‘80s belonged to Eddie Murphy, the ‘90s were definitely Martin Lawrence’s, at least partially. From a stream of hit movies to having his own very successful sitcom and hosting “Def Comedy Jam,” Martiiiiiiiiiiiiiin Lawrence was the man. You know you’re the ‘ish’ when you popularize your own catch phrases like “Whazzup?” “Get To Steppin’ ” and “You Go Girl!”
Why He’s Nuts: His comedy DVD You SO Crazy! should be a documentary because Lawrence is trendsetting and bringing crazy back like it’s a new Play Station. From violent outbursts on movie sets, screaming and waving a gun at tourists to the absolute craziest: going into a three-day coma after jogging in 100-degree heat with several layers of heavy clothing on. What drug makes you do that?
Prescription: There’s a thin line between funny and crazy; try not to cross it.
5. Rosie O’Donnell – America’s most hated and loved lesbian.
O’Donnell has had quite a roller coaster career as a stand-up-comic-turned-movie-star-turned-talk-show-host-turned-gay-rights-crusader.
Why She’s Nuts: Um, where do I begin? Although O’Donnell’s real-life battle with depression shouldn’t be ridiculed, the once “Queen of Nice” started throwing shade to everybody. Most celebs wouldn’t even engage her until she took on Donald Trump who hit her so far below the belt; she left TV and hasn’t been on since.
Prescription: Take a chill pill and stop acting like the mean, fat kid on the playground. Now I’m a Rosie fan but if lightweight Elizabeth Hasselback from “The View” can TKO you on national TV, get out of the ring and go back to what you know.
4. Tracy Morgan – the lone black guy on mostly white comedy shows.
Morgan has had a successful career from playing roles like ‘Hustle Man’ on “Martin” to hit shows like “SNL” and “30 Rock,” not to mention a few, forgettable film roles. Most recently, Morgan hosted “VH-1 Hip Hop Honors,” bringing his offbeat and blunt humor to a show already rooted in outrageousness.
Why He’s Nuts: You have to respect Morgan’s raw, I-don’t-give-a-damn brand of humor but life seems to imitate art with his crazy, off-screen behavior. From three arrests for a D.U.I., to being out in public butt-ass naked, it makes you wonder if he’s waiting for someone in the real world to yell, “Cut! End Scene!” so he can go back to his own private bubble and read over his lines.
Prescription: Either put down the bottle for good or have someone in your entourage drive you home, friends don’t let friends drive their career into the ground.
3. “Carrot Top” – One of the most popular prop comics since Gallagher.
In the ‘90s, Carrot Top’s career was flaming hot just like his alarming fire engine red hair and extremely freckled face. He had the audience laughing before a joke was even told.
Why He’s Nuts: Have you seen Carrot Top lately? His once slim figure has now hulked into what looks like a human Stretch Armstrong action figure and his plastic surgery makes him resemble ‘The Joker’ with a tan and a dye job. If this comedy thing ever dries up, he can have a career as an “ugly lady body builder.” (A redundant description if there ever was one.)
Prescription: Back away from the steroids and the surgeon’s knife. You will have them laughing with you or at you; choose.
2. Eddie Murphy – Comedian who ruled the ‘80s as the second coming of Richard Pryor.
Murphy’s one of the most well-known, versatile comedians ever; from “SNL” alum, a cornucopia of box office hits (and misses), an Oscar nomination and the voice of quite a few beloved animated characters for a new generation of younger fans.
Why He’s Nuts: Beyoncé must have written “Crazy In Love” with Eddie in mind because he has lousy luck with the ladies (and at least one dude who looked like a lady in the case of Murphy’s little “Tail From Tranny-ville” ordeal in 1997). After 12 years of marriage and five kids with ex-wife Nicole, Eddie started slipping in his pimping when he met Spice-Girl singer Melanie Brown. Before you could say Delirious, Murphy left her and moved on to tie the knot with Babyface’s seconds … only to get Boomeranged with a paternity suit by Mel and yet another new baby.
Prescription: Cover it up bruh’ and check below before you “Party All The Time” …
The No. 1 comedian out of his damn mind is … (drum roll, please)
Dave Chappelle: (known for his hilarious and extremely popular sketch comedy show that was named after him, “Chappelle Show”)
One of the most cerebral black comedians on the scene who got a whole nation to realize Eddie Murphy’s brother had a name other than ‘Eddie Murphy’s brother’ and made Rick James relevant again without recording one note … now that’s talent!
Why He’s Crazy: I won’t even mince words, Chappelle literally walked away from a $50 million contract with Comedy Central to be around some black folks in South Africa he didn’t even know. If that ain’t crazy, show me what is. I respect his integrity and all but dayummm; something could have been worked out. Donate half of the money back to black charities, tithe at every “House of Prayer” around the world… Shoooot, he could have paid me $1 million just to draw daily cartoons making fun of Comedy Central staff members for the next five years. I suppose in some eyes that would make me a ‘sell-out’ but I’d be rich, b—–.
Prescription: Take two aspirins for whatever fever caused you to leave all that money and go back and get it!
–written and illustrated by lena hopkins-jackson
