Your Weekly Top Ten Presents: Top 10 Negrodamus Predictions For 2010
10. WHAT’S OLD: Blatant Promiscuity.
WHAT’S GOLD: Monogamous relationships.
NEGRODAMUS PREDICTION: After overdosing on 2009’s year of cheating celebrities and politicians, I predict folks will FINALLY get the message that trickin’ ain’t easy and AIDS ain’t the common cold; it affects EVERYONE (even Black women). I also predict the chart-topping success from Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies” will inspire baby daddies everywhere to put a ring on it OR at least a condom on it in the meantime.
9. WHAT’S OLD: Racist propaganda aimed at OUR president as the bull’s-eye.
WHAT’S GOLD: Rallying behind OUR president and working to make OUR country better for us all.
NEGRODAMUS PREDICTION: Enough is enough. Whether it’s arrogant windbags like Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Joe Lieberman OR White House party crashers and congressmen who shout-out their hatred during an address, it’s time-out for the disrespect; to quote rapper Trick Daddy “Uh-huh, okay, oh yeah-SHUT-UP! President Barack Obama is apparently too ‘Woosa” and ‘Zen-like’ himself to get straight gully on these fools, but there are others who just might. Don’t forget Oprah got him elected, there’s no telling what else she could do (or get Gail to do). I predict that now that some of these undercover racists have channeled the frustration out of their system about having a Black president, we can all come together like a 1990’s Benetton ad and unite, drink a coke, sing “Kumbaya” and wait for him to clean up behind ‘The Bushes.’
8. WHAT’S OLD: Botched cosmetic surgeries.
WHAT’S GOLD: Growing old with style and acceptance.
NEGRODAMUS PREDICTION: Although I think people (Americans especially) will always be obsessed with youth and beauty, I predict all of these bad boob implants, bee-stung lip-injections and Botoxed-“House of Wax” frozen faces will make folks reconsider loving what God gave ‘em. (Not to mention the expense of it all?) If not, there are always less permanent ways of ‘gilding the lily’ with Body Magic girdles, fake booty pads, ‘chicken cutlets’ (removable fake boobs) …and as we all know, hair-weaves ain’t goin’ nowhere!
7. WHAT’S OLD: Mohawks and asymmetrical haircuts.
WHAT’S GOLD: More natural, less geometric styles.
NEGRODAMUS PREDICTION: I don’t know what possessed hair aficionados to dig all the way back in the 80’s for the ‘Mr. T’ and ‘Salt & Pepa’ looks, but please drop them back in the “History of Hair-Ugly” books where they belong. Considering our current economy, I predict a return to more happy-nappy styles like twists, locs, nouveau-fros, etc…yeah, that ‘wash & go’ look is pretty appealing when you are refinancing your latest Hawaiian-wavy strand-by-strand AND trying to pay your car note too!
6. WHAT’S OLD: Celebrity rehab.
WHAT’S GOLD: Celebrity charity
NEGRODAMUS PREDICTION: Am I alone in wondering what the hell is wrong with famous people lately? I can’t fathom the temptations that come at celebrities 24/7, but if it were me I would just say no and find a fix that won’t end in divorce or death. Over the last year we have witnessed a record number of Hollywood casualties — career-wise and some of the life-ending type, as well. I predict that the rich and famous will take a note from the “Brangelina” book of charity and start giving back and I mean more than just donations and checks, but with time and love. Adopting a rainbow tribe won’t get you into heaven, but the cost of spin-doctoring a tarnished image and paying off mistresses and gossip rags, can cost millions. A couple of well-timed photo ops with some needy, orphans….PRICELESS!
5. WHAT’S OLD: Having a victim’s mentality and living in ignorant bliss.
WHAT’S GOLD: Having a vigilante’s mentality and seizing the day (or bomb out of a jihad-lovin’ fool’s hand if necessary.)
NEGRODAMUS PREDICTION: If September 11, 2001 didn’t wake us all up, these continued terrorist attacks will. As unrelenting fanatics continue to misuse Islam and other religions as the justification behind their insane acts of revenge and hatred against democracy — creating distrust and reciprocal hate — I predict more and more Americans opting to take the red pill and arming themselves with intelligence (and not necessarily ammunition, to be clear I don’t foresee an overwhelming increase in NRA memberships) against terrorists here and abroad. I predict more people will say “Ask not what you can do for your country, but what is it my country’s homeland security team isn’t telling me and do I need-to-cut-an-Al-Qaeda? ”
4. WHAT’S OLD: Bling and flossin’.
WHAT’S GOLD: Anything FREE!
NEGRODAMUS PREDICTION: It’s been 20 years since the “shiny-nineties” gave folks a more urban version of what the self-indulgent 80s did for yuppies and buppies. Well, there’s nothing like an economy on the decline to take the shine off any material pursuits, even rappers are downsizing to a “one-chain-one-car-one-chicken-head-combo” per video.
Ah yes, I tease the rappers but seriously if there was ever a time to let your inner light shine and do the flossin’ for you, it’s now!
In 2010, I predict people will discover the best things in life are FREE: love, family, friendship, the library, enjoying nature, hangin’ in the park and at certain nightclubs, free can mean your admission inside and dibs on the buffet before 9:30… um, so I’ve heard.*wink*
3. WHAT’S OLD: Sexy singers with flat, studio-created voices.
WHAT’S GOLD: Singers with God given talent. Sexy?—um,not so much.
NEGRODAMUS PREDICTION: Video may have killed the radio star but video vixens are killing the music industry. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with eye candy but for every Beyoncé there’s a Christina Milian, for every Usher there’s a T-Pain. I predict a return to good music, no matter what the singer looks like. Call it the “Susan Boyle” effect but with everybody rockin’ an iPod as an ear accessory now-a-days who cares?
2. WHAT’S OLD: Health care plan blockage.
WHAT’S GOLD: Health care plan passed.
NEGRODAMUS PREDICTION: The Rethuglicans and Joe Lieberman tried to block it, but like the Indianapolis Colts, the health care reform just couldn’t be stopped and it went all the way! Seven presidents have tried to reform our costly US health care system, which offered sophisticated care to those who can pay, everyone else would just be out of luck and coverage. I predict that President Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid can now exhale, relax and enjoy “Beer Summit 2” for a moment.
…and the No. 1 Negrodamus Prediction for 2010 is….(drum roll please)
WHAT’S OLD: Wasting time.
WHAT’S GOLD: Time management.
NEGRODAMUS PREDICTION: Being non-productive and bullsh****’ around is so 2009. I predict more and more folks going for theirs in the 2010. It’s a new day ahead people, become the change you seek and LET’S GET IT!
Happy Kwanzaa, Happy New Year, ….LIVE YOUR LIFE!
—written & illustrated by Lena ‘Negrodamus’ Hopkins-Jackson
