When I was in college, I had three friends whom I was extremely close to. The four of us were so close, we hardly ever went anywhere without the other. We often compared ourselves to the women from “Sex and the City” and laughed about our uncanny similarities to the characters on the show. Like Miranda Hobbes, one of my girlfriends dressed professionally, acted more mature than the rest of us and was considered the serious one. Another friend, like Charlotte York, was considered the hopeless romantic who was constantly searching for true love. My last girlfriend, like Samantha Jones, was sexually liberated and slept with whomever she chose, but she was also the one who always seemed to choose the wrong guys and find this out after she slept with him. I, the adviser of the circle, had the reputation on campus for being the “hard to get, overachiever.” Similar to Carrie Bradshaw, I spent the majority of my college years in a relationship and advising women on their relationships.
Yes, we were a well-rounded group of women approaching dating and love in our own unique ways. Sometimes we made great decisions when it came to sex and relationships and at other times we made not-so-great decisions. The friend who had the worst experiences with relationships was the one with a “Samantha Complex,” who mistook her sexual freedom as power.
Millions of single women tuned-in to this show on a weekly basis to discover whom Samantha was going to sleep with. Watching Samantha jump in and out of bed with different men could account for those single females’ lack of moral restraint. Samantha’s character glorified being a slut, leading women to forgot or even dismiss the fact that no matter how “sexually free” they thought they were, men were still men and would always judge a woman based on her actions. Women threw caution to the wind and dismissed the fact that men have sex with easy women and marry good girls who are discerning. To that end, my friend with the “Samantha Complex” came up disappointed every time she entered a sexual escapade.
Ladies, just because Samantha seemed to have it all and emotionally detached from the men she bedded, it doesn’t mean that this is a realistic ability most women can maintain. Whether my friend’s behavior was a result of her childhood experiences or her habitual worship of shows such as “Sex and the City,” is uncertain, but what is certain is that although she’s had partners that number in the triple digits, three children and a live-in boyfriend for several years, at age 32 she has yet to be married and would admit to anyone that she is unhappy with her past relationships and would do anything to undo the poor sexual choices of her past.
There is no benefit to having regrets because life is like one big university to be educated in as we learn from our choices. If you can relate to my “Samantha” friend, you can choose to close your legs and raise your standards when it comes to your sexual choices. One’s past performance is never indicative of one’s future outcome and can be used as a badge of wisdom to create a better experience today. –shay williams-garrett
Tune into my www.YouTube.com/lovein30days videos and learn more about valuing your “v.”
Shay Williams-Garrett aka Shay Your Date Diva is a speaker and author of “DIVA Don’t Get Played!” and “Mommy DIVA Don’t Get Played!” both dating guides for catching the man of your dreams in 30 days!
