To be touched by the queen, Regina King, is much like being knighted by the Queen of England. This dynamic actress and personality exudes charm and grace. Her keen wit is the hallmark of the smart characters she represents on-screen. Moreover, those memorable witticisms are the tenets of King’s intellect and remarkable composure in her real life. The popular leading lady is capable of elevating men playing opposite her into the category of movie royalty or dethroning brothers who attempt to disrespect or deceive her. Fans applaud her unabashed willingness to make herself vulnerable. In Hollywood where most are acknowledged more for looks than depth, African American actresses, especially those of King’s caliber, can become frustrated and disenchanted with the superficial nature of it all. But King — who values meaningful exchange — breaks free of that mold.
I literally love the woman and am honored to be in her presence. Her sincerity and apparent veracity are beautifully packaged and presented in a warm and welcoming facade that embraces the object of her attention. Her unobstructed availability to African American media institutions is a welcome departure from the many would-be stars who opt for other outlets and decry their heritage. But this wasn’t our first meeting for an interview or a cover story. This is, in fact, her second rolling out cover that I have been involved in, and it was my honor to do so.
I thought the most conducive setting to begin our talk would be in Beverly Hills at the newly renovated Four Seasons Hotel, where the tapestry of the environment provided the ideal backdrop for our all-too-short encounter. This sister is so powerful in her magnetism that like a magnet, she draws the attention of everyone within her sphere. King is a flower in bloom, and we were all drawn to her like bees to the orchid.
In our previous exchanges, our discussion has often turned to relationships and our personal experiences. We are comfortable being candid and honest in our exchange, accepting the other’s views and opinions without judgement or hesitation. We examined the pinnacle of relationships between black men and women and the swinging pendulum between trust and honesty, love and caring. The heartfelt discourse was permeated with personal accounts of love lost and our hopes for relationships to come. In discussing her newest film, Our family Wedding, we agreed that transparency and honesty are the underpinnings of lasting relationships. The beauty in our analyses was that there was no woe-is-me victimization or finger-pointing blame. The concept of betrayal as represented by her character in the film resonated to her core, eventually flowing to her face and out onto the screen. As it is with all great actresses, her portrayal evoked an equally poignant reaction from viewers and stirred feelings of regret in me for my hand in perpetuating less than honest relationships, and on occasion deceiving an unwitting woman. She captured the emotion — honest and true.
Not pride, just simple and stinging remorse coursed through me when I reflected on the enormity of the emotion on screen. King, always the master thespian, explained that while she hadn’t actually experienced the level of disappointment and devastation her character had in Our Family Wedding, she could ultimately make some assumptions about what that feeling might look like. She reminded me that the woman she brought alive on screen had not engaged in a dialogue or discussion about the direction of the relationship or if it was even a true relationship at all.
Oftentimes, romantic comedies like Our family Wedding leaves viewers with unanswered questions that render younger purveyors of the art form confused and reeling about what is real about relationships. The answer, in truth, is that maybe we should all come into a potential pairing equipped with a list of questions and possible scenarios that would first be addressed before preceding or not preceding to the next level — or at least proceed at your own peril. To what degree might you be tempted to stray outside of the relationship? Would you inform your partner before straying? If someone is speaking to you seductively and you are not in a monogamous relationship, what would your response be? These simple measures prior to beginning an intimate relationship would help to outline the consequences for misguided affections and shape the parameters for a healthy emotional and physical exchange.
As King mesmerized me with her hypnotic eyes moments in my life flashed in front of me and I was reminded of the women I loved and admired. Like the love of a mother, the companionship of a wife, and the familiarity of a sister, these points of contact where our lives intersect profoundly dictate our ability to express ourselves emotionally and navigate this troubled and tried system of love and support.
African American men and women embroiled in child support battles and life skill issues coupled with sisters in need of money and brothers who lack the money, are ongoing struggles that continue to divide us. But those circumstances aside, there is never a reason to defer or refer to a woman of any stature in a derogatory fashion or like the hook in a rap song that I would refrain my mother, or my goddaughter or any daughter from ever hearing.
We must familiarize and embrace the place where love is sanctioned and more deeply define how we love another person and forgive them for their indiscretions and imperfections. The degree by which we hurt each other and ourselves demands forgiveness in order to repair invisible wounds and grow in spite of whatever wrong we perceive to have befallen us. In this sancturay of relationships, fear plays a devious role that destroys too many and obscures the truth. Interpersonal trust must become the order of the day and these ideas and notions about love and relationships must constantly be addressed and redressed to overcome all that divides us. It is not necessary to love passionately and profoundly from the onset, it’s all right to start small and cultivate the bond between two, so as not to cause irreparable harm if there is, in fact, a detour of sorts.
I found that in embracing King and her thinking on the subject of relationships, I was compelled to reflect on my own involvements and rewind back to a time when I have caused another pain. For that, I truly ask for forgiveness and dedicate myself to preventing a recurrence of any such transgression. Show your authentic self upon entering the relationship and remain honest throughout the course of it.
Peace.
