Statistically, black women outnumber black men at a ratio of 100 females for every 90 males. But what’s even more disheartening is that of the adult African American population, only 45 percent are married according to the U.S Census Bureau.
Talk show host Steve Harvey and Vicki Mabrey of “Nightline” recently hosted a public debate at The Porter Sanford Performing Arts Center in Decatur, Ga. Over 600 people attended the spirited discussion for the “ABC Nightline: Face Off,” in which Sherri Shepherd, Jacque Reid, Hill Harper and Jimi Izrael were on hand to share their thoughts on the issue of of relationships and marriage in the African American community.
In a society where fame and money have become the measure of happiness and success, too many people have lost sight of what’s important — family. Stable, healthy and long-term relationships are tragically becoming an outdated notion and are virtually nonexistent.
I spent a day with my 101-year-old uncle and his 88-year-old wife of 42 years and it was an amazing experience. At their ages, and after more than four decades of marriage, they still look at each other with adoration in their eyes and openly profess their love for each other. Experiencing a sight like that, made me realize that the possiblility of my having a moment like this with a husband of my own, were slim to none.
As an educated black woman with my biological clock loudly ticking away, I have considered the option of dating outside my race, primarily because I don’t get the treatment I deserve from my African American male peers. Black men seem to be afraid of commitment, and consequently create excuses for not getting married.
By the same token, black women have lowered their standards and have become comfortable with the titles “wifey” and “baby mama,” happy to just have someone that “comes home.”
Southern women are especially plagued and their relationship experiences confined by adages like, “stand by your man through thick and thin,” and “he’ll come around.” We are made to feel that we have to put up with anything just because our mothers and grandmothers did.“I don’t think our standards are too high, we should be looking for a man that loves God, his family, a man that gets along with his mother, that can support me as I would support him, a man that can fix my rotisserie because it broke.” says Sherri Shepherd.
In actuality most women know and understand that there is no such thing as a “perfect” man, they just want a man that can meet their needs. –christian johnson
