“There are no good men left. They’re either married, gay, or in jail.”
Sound familiar? Well if it does, then that’s because you’ve been exposed to a lethal relationship virus called misconception. Believe it or not, it’s infecting more and more women with each passing day.
Something has to be done …
In my experience, the only way to counteract someone’s exposure to this particular virus is to get them to understand the other factors that can contribute to their difficulty in finding Mr. Right. So for the next two weeks, I’ll describe in detail some of the various behavior patterns that can block a woman from experiencing love on a deeper level. So pay close attention, as this may help you more than a Whitney Houston intervention.
1. Ms. Dependable
The Symptoms: You are the epitome of what it means to be a great family member and friend. In fact, it’s almost scary how you always seem to be there for others. This makes it hard for loved ones to understand why you aren’t in a steady relationship, as they consider you to be a great catch.
Here’s the problem though: When you do find someone, one of two things happens; either he falls madly in love with you, and you just don’t feel the same connection; or you fall for him, and he only wants to be your friend, ignoring you more than Mike Tyson ignored middle school … and high school for that matter. To further complicate your situation, you often have trouble letting go of past loves — even when it’s painfully obvious that it will never work.
Is this you? Ask Yourself:
Do you find it extremely difficult to let go of past relationships?
Do you sometimes think that you’ve already missed out on your one chance at true love?
Do you have trouble being physically and sexually attracted to a man that meets all of your emotional needs?
Do your friends and family come to you when they are having problems?
Do you put the needs of others before your own needs?
Here’s What You Should Do: It’s time for you to do like the song says, and “shout, shout, let it all out.” Until you deal with the emotions from your past relationships, you’ll never be able to fully move on to something new. Oh, and while you’re at it, take a break from being the go-to person for your loved ones. That can also get in the way of your healing process.
2. Ms. Try, Try Again
The Symptoms: You are the life of the party. If something cool is going down, you’ll be there. For you, dating has always been about as easy as Paris Hilton on days that end with y. Men are naturally attracted to your energy and confidence. The only thing that’s missing is your ability to enjoy a sustained relationship. It’s not from a lack of trying though. In fact, when you do get into a relationship, you are never the one to break it off — that’s just how bad you want to make the relationship work (Even if it means settling for something that doesn’t really make you happy).
Is This You? Ask Yourself:
Do you find yourself always dating people, but never truly finding a relationship that lasts?
Will you drop what you’re doing just to go out on a date?
Is it hard for you to just relax and do nothing?
Do you find yourself trying to be everything that he wants in a girlfriend?
Do you find yourself waiting for him to break up with you, even when you know that it’s not going to work?
Can you honestly say that you know what makes you happy?
Here’s What You Should Do: As difficult as this may sound, you need to take a break from dating. Just cool out for a while, and start learning how to be comfortable in your own skin. This will help break the mind-set that you have to date at a breakneck pace in order to find someone special. Once you’re able to break that habit, you’ll start to notice a change in the quality of the men that you date. You’ll also find that you are now more willing to be your own person, instead of a dating chameleon, i.e. someone who changes to fit the personality of the other person.
3. Ms. Globetrotter The Symptoms: Why is it so hard to convince you to stay in one place? Instead of enjoying the sustained love that’s provided by one person, you live a nomadic life, wandering from relationship to relationship. You have the type of personality that makes you very lovable, and men find themselves falling in love with you very easily. But no matter how well they treat you, something inside of you just doesn’t allow you to be faithful.
Is This You? Ask Yourself:
Is it hard for you to stay faithful to someone, even when you truly love them?
As soon as one relationship ends, do you jump right into the next one?
Do you feel uneasy when you aren’t in a relationship, but then when you do get into a serious one, you start to feel trapped?
Are you often down on yourself, and constantly seek reassurance from others?
Do you feel like you’re never content no matter what you do?
Here’s What You Should Do:
The first step is to learn how to love yourself. Perhaps the main factor that has caused you to become “Ms. Globetrotter,” is that you haven’t fully learned how to appreciate how wonderful you are. This, in turn, causes you to go out and actively seek love from as many people as possible in an effort to validate yourself.
Once you’re able to learn how to love and honor yourself, you’ll find it a lot easier to accept the fact that you are fine with or without a man. You’ll also begin to have a higher sense of self, which will stop you from returning to your old habit of sabotaging your relationships.
The Exciting Conclusion:
So that concludes part one of my “All The Good Men Aren’t Taken” series. Now it’s time for me to hear from you. Make sure you take the time to share your thoughts on this week’s topic. Don’t miss next week’s edition, as I reveal the rest of my list.
–dewayne rogers
