By now, many of you have caught an episode of VH1’s “What Chilli Wants.” It’s a dating reality show that chronicles the Grammy Award-winning R&B superstar Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas, from the group TLC. In the first episode, Chilli divulges her checklist, a list of standards that a potential paramour must meet.
Here, you will find the results from a survey of average Joes and Janes that lists what they desire in a mate.
Female Wish List
1. Honest
2. God-Fearing
3. Attractive
4. Good Provider
5. Intelligent
6. Family Oriented
7. Good Lover
Male Wish List
1. Attractive
2. Good Personality
3. Sexually Adventurous
4. Good Sense of Humor
5. Business Minded
6. Educated
7. Non-Gold Digger
My survey suggests men and women are not as different when it comes to seeking attributes in a mate as one would like to think. In most cases, women are no different than men in their thinking; men are just more direct and verbal about what they want. Women “wish” for a mate that will fulfill their needs.
What would you do if you found your perfect mate? Would you be happy, faithful, loving, communicative and attentive? Would that behavior endure for a short time or a lifetime?
What is it that we really seek in relationships? Are we willing to do what it takes to keep a mate once we have one that has all of the attributes or at least majority of the ones we sought? Do we continue to keep the lines of communication open or do the “just thinking of you” text messages; phone calls and e-mails slowly grind to a halt, leaving your mate wondering what happened.
When a relationship falls apart, it’s easy to get caught up in self-recriminations. What could I have done differently? Was I too aggressive? Was I too willing engage in sexual relations before getting to know this person? Did I call too much? Text message too much? Ask too many questions? Make unfounded accusations? Become complacent? Which leads to the inevitable if only statement: If only I could start this entire relationship over, I would do things much differently.
There are several reasons relationships fail, however, we should do the best we can to make the relationship work as long as it’s not toxic. Moving from one relationship to the next can be even more mentally and physically damaging than we would like to believe. Remember, if you ever find “your perfect” mate, just remember that your wish has been granted. –shoya bowman
Shoya Bowman is a relationship expert and the author of “Issues” and “Goodbye Don’t Always Mean Gone.” For more information, visit www.shoyaswritings.com.
