Women are commonly seen as the more emotional sex while men are perceived to be able to get through a breakup completely fine with not an ounce of sadness or heartache. The truth of the matter is that a breakup is just as hard on a black man as it is on a black woman. Understanding how a man feels after having his heart broken can give you insight into why a man makes it hard for you to get close and why it’s so difficult for him to let his guard down and love again.
It turns out that several studies have shown that when it comes to the way men and women deal with a breakup, men find it far more difficult and are more likely to suffer from depression and stress because of it. This has a lot to do with men having the tendency to keep things bottled up and opting to mask their pain with nights out drinking with the guys or having sex with anything that walks instead of doing what women often do: cry, talk it to death with friends and then cry some more. Women deal with the feelings and men prefer to ignore them in hopes that they will just disappear.
When a guy gets with his boys, it’s not likely that he is going to break down in tears and profess to his friends that he feels hurt and rejected and wishes his ex-girlfriend would come back. Men just don’t form bonds that intimate with anyone — except their girlfriends, so when he experiences an unwanted breakup, he has not only lost his love but also the one person he’d be most likely to confide in about the more “sensitive” issues.
In addition, many men admit that they do not like starting over and having to get back in the dating game from scratch. The excitement of all the new possibilities (i.e., girls to have sex with) is fleeting because what they eventually miss is the comfort and stability of a relationship. So we’re wrong when we envision a newly single guy to be out there playing the field and sexing a different woman every night, even if he claims that’s what he’s going to do.
It’s also been shown that men take a lot longer to heal after a breakup and find it incredibly difficult to move on. This is why it’s so important to move slowly and make him pursue you, as this is the only way that you can be confident that he is emotionally available to be with you. If you push him, come on to him or pursue him, you risk winding up with someone who is just settling for the ease of it all instead of a man who is completely sure that he wants to be with you and only you.
If you’re seeing a man who is having trouble letting his guard down, just try to be patient and remember that he may have been burned in the past just like you have and that he just needs to tread carefully until he feels certain that you aren’t going to do the same to him. –shay williams-garrett
Tune into my www.YouTube.com/lovein30days videos and join us for DIVA University to learn more about valuing your “V!”
Shay Williams-Garrett aka Shay Your Date Diva is a speaker and author of “DIVA Don’t Get Played!” and “Mommy DIVA Don’t Get Played!” both dating guides for catching the man of your dreams in 30 days!
