10. Legendary songstress Patti LaBelle’s infamous shoe throwing antics ends badly during her tribute to Prince when she hits one of Drake’s entourage members who throws it back and it boomerangs into Chaka Khan’s hair. ..Never to be seen or worn ever again.
9. Nicki Minaj has a major wardrobe malfunction while changing into yet another one of her “ UniverSoul Circus” wigs, and picks one that has still has Lil Kim attached to it!!!….(*Dang, Nicki…the expression is ‘steal from the best and make it your OWN, not steal the best and make HER your own’…cuz that would be slavery, girlfriend!*)
On a positive note, Lil Kim is able to rap over Nicki’s lip-syncing thus giving Nicki’s performance some much-needed authenticity!
8. BET chief executive officer and illuminati field agent, Debra Lee announces that the network will officially change it’s name to EBT (Ebonics and Buffoonery Television) and then reveals what was REALLY hiding underneath her massive “1000 dead pink-flamingos” dress……a food stamp swiping machine!
7. During the Teddy Pendergrass thong waving tribute, somebody’s XXL granny panties lands on singer Tyrese momentarily blinding his already squinty eyes. Fortunately everything is cleared up and aired out (literally) though, when BET talk show host Mo’Nique scoops them up and puts them back on … no harm done really, it wasn’t Mo’Sexy but it was … Mo’kay.
6. A post-show announcement is made that the “Tiny & Toya” Reality show will now offer foreign language subtitles for the upper east coast viewing audience and actresses Wendy Raquel Robinson and Taraji P. Henson will be getting their own reality show “Loud & Proud “ as a new season replacement for “College Hill” (which based on BET staff research is responsible for increased enrollment amongst black students, leaving them little time to watch videos which is in violation of the BET vision statement )
5. Alicia Key’s gets so excited to perform during the Prince tribute that she gives birth. Even more bizarre, the baby swings down from the umbilical cord and starts immediately playin’ on the same piano his mom was just gyrating and grinding on … now that’s talent!!!
4. MaShonda (Swizz Beatz’s wife … um, for now) bum-rushes the stage during Alicia’s song and calls her out as a shameful homewrecker, only to be pushed aside by Kanye who declares that although he’s sorry for interrupting … ( m, again) and that he’ll let Alicia finish her affair … but Gabrielle Union is still the worst homewrecker of all time … OF ALL TIME!
3. Wendy and Lisa, Vanity 6, Sheila E, Appollonia, Morris Day, Rosie Gaines and members of both The New Power Generation and The Revolution, perform a Prince medley, giving “His Royal Badness” the tribute his fans REALLY wanted to see…everybody he made a star finally giving him his props (ungrateful b——s!). The performance is followed by a brief and touching presentation by Maybelline, Dark & Lovely and SoftSheen home relaxer products.
2. Instead of Latifah coming out in a different costume every 15 minutes, let’s see her come out – period! Enough already La’, we KNOW… and now that Ellen has made it fashionable…say it loud and proud and get YOUR talk show on with a gorgeous (*pause—no homo) out-of-work actress girlfriend by your side…you’ve earned it Queen! Now eat yer heart out …
1. During his tour de force comeback, Chris Brown cries tears of joy to be accepted by the crowd, but loses it when attention-hog rapper Lil Mama jumps on stage to steal some of his glory and he proceeds to poppin’ her in her lip-gloss …. and um … well, you pretty much know the story from here … *sigh* nice MJ moves, though! –lena hopkins-jackson
