10. Proposed Book: Mein Kampf 2 … The Mel Gibson Story
Synopsis: From “Mad Max” to … “Madder than a Hatter”; the rantings, ravings and recordings-in-print of a once-Hollywood A-lister.
Special Features: The book’s title says it all.
9. Proposed Book: The Holy Grail of the Game: The King James Version … by LeBron James
Synopsis: How to wheel and deal without seeming like the villain!
Special Features: Unfortunately, this book also contains an open letter warning from the Cleveland Cavaliers owner that anyone who buys this book is a cursed coward and a betrayer and will not be getting into his heaven … so sleep well, if you dare … Moo-hoo-hahahaha-boogity-boogity-BOO!
8. Proposed Book: The Lohan-Lockdown Diet … 90 Days to a Skeletal You by Lindsay Lohan
Synopsis: Diet tips from one of America’s lovable teen-alcoholics on how she keeps her boyishly-bony good looks.
Special Features: A quick and brief disclaimer written by Shawn Chapman Holley, Lindsay’s former lawyer, relinquishing all involvement to this project or anything else to do with this crazy b—-!
7. Proposed Book: Spill Baby Spill … The BP Nightmare Exposé
Synopsis: The real reason the BP Corporation responded to the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico in such an untimely manner.
Special Features: Comes with a bag of rotting, dead gold fish for the lil’ people to play with.
6. Proposed Book: Everything From How-You-Doin to How I Did It: The Wendy ‘Wendell” Williams Tranny Guide for Men Who Want to Be Fabulousssss!
Synopsis: A step-by-step full-color guide from how the Queen-of-All-Media reinvented herself from a skinny, camel-nose, anonymous teenage boy in jersey to a voluptuous, glam-goddess of late-night radio and television practically overnight.
Special Features: Includes a Mrs. Potato Head version of Wendy with removable body parts and wigs with every book purchase … (miniature crack pipe sold separately).
5. Proposed Book: How to Marry a Black Baller in Two Years or Less by the Kardashian sisters
Synopsis: … Um, How To Marry a Black Baller, like DUH!
Special Features: Includes an A-to- Z phone directory-size list of every black NBA and NFL star who love themselves some non-black booty (which is pretty much all of them)
4. Proposed Book: Tears of a Clown — The Chris Brown Comeback – Written by his agent.
Synopsis: A spiritually uplifting journey back to redemption, respect and reclaiming endorsement deals and … mo’ money… mo’ money… mo’ money!
Special Features: a signed wife beater … um the T-shirt, that is!
3. Proposed Book: The Nikki Minaj Coloring Book & Karaoke Beginner Set for Miniature Divas-in-Training
Synopsis: Let your little angel explore every color in the rainbow (and the ‘hood) with cutout dolls of Nikki’s wigs and wardrobe while lip-synching the Nikki Minaj way.
Special Features: Each coloring book comes with a pack of crayons, a rap-a-long sheet of Nikki’s songs and a beginner’s cupcake wig.
2. Proposed Book: How to Get Ahead in Politics Without Really Trying … The Sarah Palin Way
Synopsis : One kinda’ cute, Hockey-mom’s path to greatness amongst a sea of Janet Renos by using the right: lip-gloss, Wilma Flintstone hairdo and perky attitude!
Special Features: Recipes for moose stew, a pullout centerfold of her daughter’s baby daddy’s Playgirl photo spread and a mail-in membership form to join the “Kick-a– and Killing-Kindness New World Order Association.
… And the No. 1 Oprah’s Book Club submission reject is …
1. Proposed Book: Kept Man Chronicles … by Stedman Graham
Synopsis: Advice tips with gorgeous never-before-seen photos of living the fabulous life with “The O.”
Special Features: An afterword about various kept men who blew their covers, including Al Reynolds, Bobby Brown and Terry McMillan’s ex-husband.
–wriiten and illustrated by lena hopkins-jackson
