10. Stop “crying wolf” and leave speculation and chasing phantom cases to Scooby Doo and those meddling kids in the mystery van. That Hallmark greeting card fiasco of allegedly hearing “black h-” as opposed to “black hole” was quite embarrassing, so either get some kinda sound amplifier machine … or some hearing aids.
9. Create a hip, new reality TV show called “Who Wants to Catch a Racist?”
Contestants will be selected from across the globe for a chance to hunt down and capture (must be still alive and kickin’ during taping, those are the rules) a real, bona fide, Klan-card carrying racist! No points for hauling in crazy-a– aging, Australian actors with drinking problems or old, civil rights activists with video footage from 20 years ago, the bounty must be more than prejudiced but actually oppressing someone. Maybe then NAACP members and CNN correspondents will know the difference, ya think?
8. Sean John gift cards and iPads for everyone! That oughta boost morale around headquarters.
7. Create a new and covert “drop-squad” department (*Operation-Uncle-Tom Take-Down*) to seek and deprogram: corporate oreos, Uncle Rufus-types and any Negroes regularly appearing on FOX news who are a serious hindrance or frankly, just plain annoying.
6. Hire Soulja Boy and Drake to collaborate on a new rap-dance sensation called “The Revolution”… which will not be televised but video-streamed on YouTube.
5. Name change: either the entire name, exchange the “colored” part of the acronym to something else less “Jim-Crow” like or at least add “Nu” or “New” in the front … it worked for Coke … well actually, maybe not.
4. Challenge the “tea-baggers” to an actual real fight this time. The loser has to sit through an entire Sara Palin speech on video and hear her make up more words like “refudiate” and “gotcha-media” over and over again.
3. Hire new PR team from *Funky-Fingers Productions* to implement a “fresh, new image” strategy complete with a 20 city-wide street team to do guerilla-marketing, 500,0000 member e-mail blasts on Yahoo!, ’round-the-clock Twitter, Facebook (and whoever’s left on MySpace) updates and a pre-arranged Hoodie award from Steve Harvey: “Most Relevant and still-got-it-like-that Civil-Rights Organization.”
2. OK, who’s thinking what I’m thinking?! … OPRAH MAKEOVER SHOW!!
… and the No. 1 way the NAACP Can Stop Being a Cultural Dinosaur is … Adopt a more grassroots, accessible image and go out amongst the community to drive up new membership and interest … um, seriously.
–lena hopkins-jackson
