“I do not want to strap up!” That’s what I used to say and that’s what countless others continue to say on a daily basis. But being reluctant to use condoms has led to the rapid spread of HIV/AIDS at a rather alarming rate — especially in the black community.
I remember it as if it were yesterday, when I sat in an office and heard “Your test results came back and you tested positive for HIV.” What? Not me, I have to be dreaming, because I know she did not just tell me what I think she did. I would tell myself every time I had sex that I would only put it in for “just a minute” because I wanted to get inside without encumbrances. That’s how it went, and for that I got a life sentence.
How could I be so stupid as to let myself get that caught up for a momentary thrill? I listened to the health experts and watched the commercials on television. I even heard Magic Johnson telling people to be safe, but it just didn’t seem to register. But, sitting in the office at the American Red Cross that day, I thought about getting a bottle of pills and ending my life. For a brief moment, I figured that it would be easier to go to sleep and never wake up. But something clicked inside me and I knew that I had too much to prove.
When I was a child I was molested and the confusion regarding my sexuality caused me to run, hide, and get affirmation by any means possible, which was usually through sex. “I had something to prove,” I would tell myself because I am a man, a real man! Real men are not afraid of the consequences, right? Wrong. All all too late I realized that real men own up to their mistakes, take responsibility for their actions, and make a pact with destiny to stand and fight, not just for themselves, but for the welfare of those who need them.
That is exactly what I chose to do after dealing with the negative and positive reactions to my story. I knew there were others who had no voice and needed someone they could relate to, to encourage them to live another day.
From the day I was diagnosed, I made a conscious decision to not let the virus define who I was or what I could or could not do. I would redefine what it is to live and let live. As Rudyard Kipling wrote, “I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul.” I did not accept the prognosis that I would only live a few years. I’ve survived well over 12 years and live each day to the fullest — and I’ve got a lot more living to do!
As you read these words I challenge you that no matter what you are faced with, to live another day and chart a course by which you can proceed effectively and efficiently. I discovered that life is not about sex, but rather about purpose and destiny. I found mine and want to help you find yours. So the next time somebody tells you that they don’t care enough about you to strap up, care enough about yourself to get up and leave.
This is Richard Brown III and I approve of this message.
Richard Brown III is a life coach, motivational and conference speaker, as well as senior minister of THE ROCK Church in Toledo, Ohio. He attributes much of his success to his parents and his alma mater, Morehouse College. He can be reached via e-mail at [email protected] or on Facebook.
