Jump-offs and cheaters consider yourselves warned. In the new book Raised by the Mistress: My Mother, Her Love & Me, author and hip-hop businesswoman Jamilah B. Creekmur lays bare the cold hard truth when it comes to the nature of infidelity, the emotional burden it carries on those involved and the price that children ultimately pay for the questionable actions of adults. The memoir, which was co-written by Creekmur’s mother Valli Lampkin, her mother’s lover, Wayne Lampkin Sr. and New York Times best-selling author Aliya S. King, explores infidelity from all angles. Creekmur spoke to rolling out about how her mother’s role as a mistress led her into unhealthy relationships, her advice on families dealing with the aftermath of infidelity and why she doesn’t blame jump-offs for indiscretions. –souleo
What issues were you left with as a result of witnessing your mother endure an affair? Did it affect your overall perception of love and relationships?
I struggled with issues of trust and my own self-worth. I found I would lose myself in my relationships. I’d go so far in wanting to please whatever man, I’d do it at the expense of my own happiness. Once I decided not to do that, I stayed in control of my own happiness and my outlook on relationships changed. It shifted things for the better in my life.
Your book focuses on not only the impact adultery has on the participants but also on the larger family unit. With so many extended families created as a result of cheating, what is your advice to making the best out of such situations?
The most important thing is that the children have nothing to do with issues between adults and to keep the children out of it. My parents divorced when I was 4 or 5 and my entire life they never shared with my brother and me why they got a divorce until I wrote the book. It afforded me the opportunity to develop my own feelings and relationship with my parents and not harbor any [hard] feelings toward either one of them. It’s important to stick together through adversity and have forgiveness and compassion for each other.
Presently, infidelity is a hot topic in the media with celebrities frequently getting caught cheating and the rise of jump-offs receiving instant fame. What are your thoughts on this disturbing trend?
I think there are always going to be affairs. The way society is moving now with instant gratification and technology, it makes it even more accessible for these things to happen. I think it’s a horrible thing. The mistresses I see coming up now are very bold to take positions where they feel entitled to an extent. Personally, I think that it is not their fault because there is accountability on account of the married person who is cheating too. At the same time, the one who is cheated on bears no blame for someone having an affair but that person has accountability to make sure they are working as hard as they can to keep their spouse happy.
