“The church is responsible for the high rate of unmarried black women.” I heard this irrational assertion for the first time last summer, but somehow it continues to persist. In Deborrah Cooper’s article “The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African-American Women Single and Lonely,” she stated, “Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them.”
This is like blaming hospitals for sick people. Medical practitioners constantly stress that people can prevent or curb many illnesses with a balanced, nutritious diet and regular exercise. Yet, the main cause of death in America is heart disease, a preventable illness. Similarly, Christian pastors teach that if women want to prevent a calamity, they should not pursue a man, which is based on Prov. 18:22, and they should remain celibate until marriage, which is based on many verses including Mark 7:21-23 and 1 Cor. 6:18. Beyond any religious edict, these teachings make practical sense, especially given the rate of unwed mothers and black women with HIV.
In the article, Cooper, a self-proclaimed dating expert, uses PEW Research Statistics to support her point that blacks are too religious. Thus, she is blaming morals for the low rate of marriage. I guess her point is that men prefer women with little to no standards. Meanwhile, most every best-selling dating expert in the country, from trained therapists like Katherine Woodward Thomas to an “experts on men” like Steve Harvey, is saying just the opposite. They’re begging women to get or raise their standards.
Cooper is missing this vital point: any woman can get a man. I think we, men and women, are all waiting on the one. Blame the movie industry for peddling the myth of finding our true love or blame the music industry for promoting music about romantic love. No matter where we got the notion, we want and expect to be “in love” when we marry and happy throughout the relationship.
The church is a hospital for souls who have tried to do it their way. Cooper, on the other hand, is suggesting that women do it her way, using her advice and methods. Maybe she wants to be an omniscient god. I don’t know, but I do know that whether the problem is our expectations or standards, we shouldn’t ever blame the repair company for our brokenness. –annette r. johnson
Annette Johnson is the owner of Allwrite Advertising and Publishing (www.e-allwrite.com), and the author of “What’s Your Motivation?: Identifying and Understanding What Drives You.” She is the host of Allwrite Radio atwww.blogtalkradio.com/allwrite.
