Rolling Out

Why good people tolerate bad treatment from partners

Chronic emotional or physical abuse can create a sense of learned helplessness
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Photo credit: Shutterstock.com / Prostock-studio-8

The stereotype that “good women” simply tolerate lousy treatment from men is a misleading simplification of a complex issue. The reality is that many factors influence why someone might choose to remain in an unhealthy relationship. This article delves into the psychological, social, and economic reasons why some women find themselves in such situations.


It’s crucial to remember that this article focuses on understanding the complexities, not justifying unhealthy behavior.


The Entangled Web: Psychological Factors in Staying

  • Learned Helplessness: Chronic emotional or physical abuse can create a sense of learned helplessness. The woman might believe escape is impossible, having internalized the negativity and controlling behaviors of the abuser.

  • Diminished Self-Esteem: Abusive partners often systematically erode a woman’s self-esteem, making her question her worth and ability to leave. Constant criticism, gaslighting, and isolation can chip away at her confidence, making it difficult to imagine a life on her own.


  • Fear of the Unknown: The familiar, even if negative, can feel safer than the uncertainty of leaving. The woman might fear loneliness, financial instability, or even violence if she attempts to leave. The abuser might exploit these fears, threatening her or making her feel responsible for the relationship’s problems.

  • Hope for Change: Some women cling to the hope that their partner will change or that their love can fix the dysfunctional dynamic. Despite a history of failed attempts, they might believe their patience or efforts can turn things around.

Beyond the Individual: Social Pressures at Play

  • Societal Stigma: Societal pressures around divorce or single motherhood can make a woman feel judged or ashamed for leaving. Outdated ideas about family structure or the expectation to prioritize the relationship can make it challenging to prioritize her well-being.

  • Lack of Support: Limited support systems can leave a woman feeling isolated and unable to access the resources needed. She might hesitate to confide in friends or family for fear of judgment or because they are unaware of the abuse.

  • Financial Dependence: Financial dependence on the abuser can make it prohibitively difficult for a woman to establish independence. The abuser might control finances as a way to maintain power, limiting her access to money and hindering her ability to plan for escape.

  • Religious Beliefs: Certain religious beliefs might discourage divorce or emphasize forgiveness, making it harder for a woman to leave a relationship, even an abusive one. The pressure to stay and work on the relationship, even at her own expense, can be a significant barrier.

The Grip of Financial Strain: Economic Factors

  • Financial Abuse: Abusers often control finances as a way to maintain power and limit the woman’s options. They might restrict her access to money, credit cards, or bank accounts, making it difficult for her to save or plan for escape.

  • Child Custody Concerns: Worrying about child custody battles or financial support for children can be a significant barrier to leaving. The abuser might manipulate these concerns, threatening to take away the children or make leaving financially devastating.

  • Limited Job Opportunities: A woman with limited job skills or work experience might fear financial hardship if she leaves the relationship. The abuser might have discouraged her from pursuing education or career advancement, further limiting her options.

Breaking Free: Finding Support and Building Strength

There is hope for women in unhealthy relationships. Here are some resources that can help:

  • Domestic Violence Hotlines: These hotlines offer confidential support and resources to help women plan for safety and leave abusive relationships.
  • Women’s Shelters: Shelters provide safe havens and support services for women fleeing abuse.
  • Therapists: Therapy can help women understand the dynamics of their relationship, build self-esteem, and develop coping mechanisms for dealing with the aftermath of abuse.
  • Support Groups: Connecting with other survivors can provide a sense of community and empowerment. Sharing experiences and learning from others can be a powerful tool for healing.

Remember, you are not alone. Some people care about you and want to help. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, please reach out for support.

This story was created using AI technology.

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