I Hate My Husband; Should I Leave?

*The following is a continuation of rolling out’s series with relationship author DeWayne Rogers, and his column The Fly Guy Chronicles.

Dear Fly Guy,

I love your column, and could really use your help. I’m not sure how to say this delicately, so I’ll just come right out with it. I HATE MY HUSBAND. I despise everything about him, and I’m appalled at the woman I’ve become since we’ve been married. When we dated, he was such a gentleman, and he always respected my opinion and supported my dreams. But in the five years that we’ve been married, the person that I fell in love with has been nonexistent. Because of that, he is enjoying a successful career, while I just sit back as the trophy wife who lacks any personal fulfillment. What should I do? I was always raised to believe in the sanctity of marriage, but I refuse to believe that marriage is supposed to be like this. Please help!!! I’m losing my mind.

Unhappy Wife

Dear Unhappy Wife,

Let me first say that I am sorry to hear about the deteriorated state of your marriage. You’re absolutely right in your belief that it shouldn’t be this way. Marriage, while difficult, should be a testament to your commitment both to each other and to the fulfillment of your life goals — both individually and collectively. So to hear that your husband no longer supports your dreams is about as disappointing as the time I sat in on a Channing Tatum acting workshop.

While I’ll never promote divorce, I can say that a change in your life has to be made. That should start with you communicating your unhappiness to him. If you don’t feel like you can express it without him interrupting, then write a letter. If that doesn’t work, then I would suggest the two of you see a professional to discuss a game plan designed to save your marriage.

If, after you’ve done all that you can do, he still refuses to change or acknowledge your feelings and unhappiness, then I could — with good conscience — tell you to explore your options for leaving the marriage.

Because he is choosing not to actively participate in saving your marriage, he is essentially reneging on his vows before God.

Listen; I hope and pray that it doesn’t come to this, but at the end of the day, my main desire is to see you healthy, happy and fulfilled. Good luck and I’ll certainly keep you and your husband in my prayers.

The Fly Guy

Have a letter for The Fly Guy that you want answered on rollingout.com? Email him at [email protected]

I write. I create. I take photos. In my spare time, I'm also a part-time super-hero. Go figure.


  • Restlessdrive
    June 13, 2011

    Understanding that the role of “Wife and Mother”  takes making lots of adjustments and sacrifice. Its easy to lose your identity. But why blame your husband for your identity crisis? Go ahead and BE the woman you want to be inside the security of your marriage. When I think of Trophy Wife I think of Michelle Obama; a beautiful, super intelligent,  gracious, supportive wife and mother WHO PUTS IN WORK!!

  • M_jg3
    June 13, 2011

    I have learned in my dating relationships that divorce is NOT even an option that one should ever contemplate, yeah marriage is not like everything else that’s worth some sort of value… and staying and working out the differences is well worth the reaping of the rewards! No one (i.e. this foolish writer of this blog) and I mean NO ONE should ever suggest that you and I quote “to explore your options for leaving the marriage”… (what hell is that?), unless your life or children’s life is in danger because of abuse. Other then that, suck it up and stop feeling pity for yourself because your husband is not acting the way he did in the beginning!!!

  • Ron
    June 13, 2011


  • Ljlj
    June 13, 2011

    He’s not beating her, not on drugs, has a successful career – I don’t see any ground for DIVORCE!!  I see someone with low self-esteem – make your own career – make your life – maybe he’s waiting on you to jump start to see if you are serious.  Get up and do something – TROPHY WIFE – is that what you think you are? You seriously need help and Jesus in your life to help with your personal issue to love a man that is successful and providing for you.

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