Boris Kodjoe
The Faith
of a Father
Words by
DeWayne Rogers
Images by Dave Ellis for Steed Media Service
A Woman’s Dream
Ring! Ring!
Sigh. My mind quickly raced through every possible reason that could
explain why my phone would be ringing at 6:15 in the morning. Because
there were no plausible explanations coming to mind to compel me to
answer, I rolled back over and pulled the covers over my head.
Ring! Ring!
Ughh. I rolled over again and felt anger brimming in my belly. It’s
one thing to call early in the morning, but to continue to call even
when there’s no response?! That’s downright disrespectful.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumbled, reaching for the phone and rubbing my tired eyes simultaneously.
“Hello,” I growled into the receiver, my displeasure at being awakened clearly evident in my tone..
“Hey! wake up!” the cheerful voice of one of my female friends pleaded from the other end. “I need a huge favor.”
“What could you possibly need this early in the morning?”
“I heard you were supposed to be doing a photo shoot and interview with Boris Kodjoe today,” she went on. “I need to go with you, be his towel girl in case he needs to be wiped down.”
Click.
I tossed the phone and rolled back over. Laying there in disbelief at
my friend’s nerve, I began to recount the number of Boris
Kodjoe-related exchanges I was forced to endure throughout the previous
week. Since making the announcement that Kodjoe would be on the cover
of rolling out,
on at least 15 separate occasions, women approached me — sometimes in a
very intimidating manner — demanding an opportunity to meet him. What
they didn’t know, and what I would learn during our interview, was that
there was no reason for any of them to even attempt to get up close and
personal with Kodjoe. He’s a happy and dedicated husband. He’s
committed to his family, and no chance meeting is going to change that.
A Loving Husband
Ever
since Kodjoe’s countenance became available for public consumption,
first as an in-demand fashion model and more recently as an actor on
the silver screen, one constant has followed him throughout his career
— women. At every juncture, women have pined for him — openly …
vehemently … unashamedly. They’ve made no qualms about sharing the very
personal and private things they yearn to do if ever given the
opportunity.
But that chance would never come, as Kodjoe would eventually fall madly
in love with fellow actor Nicole Ari Parker. When the announcement of
the couple’s pending nuptials hit newswires in 2005, more than a few
heartbroken women around the world shed tears. But for Kodjoe, the
tears were a mere afterthought, because he was sure he’d found the one.
“When I first met Nicole, I knew that she was going to be in my life
forever — I just didn’t know in what capacity,” he shares. “But as we
began to get to know each other, it just worked. And before people ask,
no, we didn’t date while we were on the set of Soul Food. We started
dating two years after that. But, seriously, she’s a very special woman
that I love very much. Of course, we had to work out a few kinks along
the way, but there’s no place that I’d rather be than with her.”
A Dedicated Father
From this kismet beginning, the pair would go on to welcome two
beautiful children into the world, and Kodjoe would come to realize the
true nature of his purpose in life.
“I have come to realize that fatherhood is by far the single most
important aspect of my life,” he reveals. “Nobody tells you how scared
you’ll become once you’re a father. Everybody talks about unconditional
love, but nobody talks about the unconditional fear that you feel 24
hours a day when you have a child.”
Managing to keep those fears in check, Kodjoe has since refocused that
energy on fulfilling a valuable lesson taught to him by his mother.
Born in Vienna, Austria, Kodjoe’s mother instilled in him the
incalculable value of having both a mother and father figure in his
life.
“I grew up in a single-parent household, as my father left when I was
6,” he reveals. “So, my mother raised [me and my two siblings] by
herself. She never tried to replace my father, though, and always told
us how important it was to cultivate a relationship with him. So, we
did. And she never stood in our way. She always supported that, and she
always made sure that we communicated with our father even though he
wasn’t there physically. We understood that having a father figure is
important for inspiration, for guidance, for support — especially for a
young male. And I’m glad that I had that.”
Sadly, Kodjoe adds that he’s aware that many young people aren’t privy
to the value of experiencing both parents within their household. He
hopes that this cycle can be broken one day.
“Oftentimes, parents are young and don’t know any better,” he shares.
“So, selfish choices are made and [the parents] forget that [life is]
really about the kids. Children don’t have as loud of a voice as we do,
so it’s up to us to look out for them.”
As Kodjoe manages the development of his own children (daughter, Sophie
Tei Naaki Lee, and son, Nicolas Neruda), the impulse to raise them with
a heavy hand is kept at bay by his clear vision of his role in their
life.
“The only thing that I can do for my kids is to love them
unconditionally, to give them all of the attention that they need, and
to instill a sense of confidence in them,” he confesses. “That’s all
I’m there to do … nothing else. So that’s the main focus of my life.
Once I achieve that, then I’m good. My legacy is there, and I’ll just
be there to watch them grow, develop and spread their wings and fly.
So, that’s all I’m focused on.”
Daddy’s Little Girl
Kodjoe’s dedication to providing his children with a life filled with
love was put to the test when his beautiful daughter was born.
“Sophie was born with spina bifida, which is a neural tube defect. It’s
something where the spinal cord develops and doesn’t close all the way.
So, a lot of kids who suffer from spina bifida have brain damage, motor
function issues, they can’t move their legs, and they don’t have any
sensations,” he explains. “I thank God that my daughter was spared
those more severe effects. She can’t control her bladder [though] … We
have to monitor the pressure in her bladder by catheterizing, which can
be very [difficult for her] — it’s just not a nice thing for a kid
having to grow up being catheterized every three hours.”
As Kodjoe and his lovely wife learned to manage Sophie’s illness, they
decided to start raising funds to support research for spina bifida.
Right now, their focus is on correcting little Sophie’s bladder
dysfunction.
“There’s a procedure called the Xiao procedure, which is named after a
doctor from China who’s developed a revolutionary new procedure that
reroutes nerves from the legs to the bladder,” Kodjoe explains. “After
a while, the bladder actually teaches itself how to function again.
It’s something that we’ve championed … if it’s successful, it’ll change
the lives of all of those involved — both the children and their
parents. Because even if you ask the kids in wheelchairs what they
would like to have, the one thing that they’ll tell you [is that] it’s
being able to control their bowels and their bladder. That’s the most
dehumanizing thing when you have to wear diapers when you’re a
teenager.”
As Kodjoe speaks, it’s hard not to notice the glint of hope in his eyes
and hear the passion in his voice. This is a man on a mission to
protect his children — and a few others.
“… Everybody [should have] access to the procedure. As long as it’s not
funded by the government, it’s up to us to raise the funds and make it
available to people,” he says.
Still A Lady’s Man
As
the interview came to a close, I recalled the women in my life that
pined for Kodjoe, and then considered the two women in his life, for
whom he pines. The women of the world should know that Kodjoe is
definitely a ladies’ man. But he’s only got eyes for two. And that
makes him that much more attractive.
NOTE: For more information about Kodjoe’s fight against spina bifida, visit www.boris-world.com.
