“YOUR WEEKLY TOP TEN” PRESENTS: The O.P.P. Edition………
THE TOP TEN CASES OF MEN WITH THEIR PANTS ON THE GROUND
( Or around their ankles anyway….)
10. SWIZZ BEATZ …Okay we all know Alicia Keys is a gorgeous,11 time-Grammy award wining artist, BUT imagine how mega producer Swizz Beatz’s soon-to-be ex wife Mashonda felt when Lil’ Miss “Teenage Love Affair” kept on falling in and out of love with HER husband….(and is now engaged to him, how is that even possible when he’s still married?) Well, let’s just hope he used some “Ruff Rider” condoms, no tellin’ what else Alicia’s been fallin’ in and out of before Swizz…. 
9. SENATOR JOHN EDWARDS… How arrogant and ignorant can you be to cheat with a videographer…that’s page one in ‘The Playa’ Handbook”!!!
Edwards is worse than arm-pit sweat considering that he cheated on his loyal, cancer-ridden wife, ended up with a love child to boot ( that he only recently admitted to) and if nominated would have slid his slimy, scandalous butt right into the democratic spot (ensuring that McCain would’ve been president and a vice-president Palin….again vice-president Palin!!)
That alone earns him a public beat-down and I’m praying for Elizabeth Edwards’ speedy recovery so she can be the one to do it!
8. GOVERNOR MARK SANFORD… WOW, the Argentinean women in Buenos-Aires must have Aztec gold between their legs, why else would South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford risk everything (including a shot at the White house!) just for some chocha! Apparently muy caliente’ chocha at that, since this jerk even forgot it was Father’s Day, it was so good. I wonder if Sanford forgot using taxpayer money to fly to see his mistress, or wanting to impeach President Clinton for HIS affair OR trying to refuse federal funds to help the unemployed?
Ladies & gentlemen, this guy needs an enema!
7. BRAD PITT… Now, I like Brad Pitt, I like Angelina Jolie too…but wrong is WRONG! How would YOU feel if your spouse went off to their job, left you for their co-worker, and everybody in the office knew! Well, the whole WORLD knew about this affair and several years later Hollywood is STILL trying to soothe poor, sweet Jennifer Aniston’s ego by offering her movie role after movie role( no matter how bad she sucks in them)! As for Angelina, she’s a man-eater, but I gotta’ give props — any chick who can make a man leave his publicly-adored and childless wife to go start a ‘Rainbow-Coalition-Tribe-From-Around-The- World’ with another chick, plus leave Hollywood to go live in (post Katrina) New Orleans—–> needs to bottle that stuff up and sell it on EBay to the highest bidder!
6. TIGER WOODS… Tiger’s little ‘World-Tour’ gives us a completely different meaning to the terms ‘Player’ and ‘Whole-In-One’; hmmm insert your own Tiger Woods joke here——————–
5. LIONEL RICHIE… Everything was “Easy Like Sunday Morning” for the ex-commodore turned superstar until he left his college sweetheart Brenda, for a younger and ( *GASP!*) white woman behind her back! Well, Miz Richie TRULY wasn’t leaving without a fight; literally! A third-degree black-belt, Brenda Richie went straight Bruce Leroy and “Raaaah-YUKEN-ed!!” both of ‘em…ALL NIGHT LONG!
Forget Mike, I wanna’ be like Brenda Richie!!
4. KWAME KILPATRICK… Then there’s the ‘Player-Mayor’ from Detroit, you would think a big, ole-swole’ Suge Knight lookin’ politician like Kwame would know how to handle his bidness without scandal, but naw… this guy gets caught using of all things — the OFFICE cell phone to text his mistress!!! (When will folks learn, ‘Big Brother’ has been watching since “1984”!) With his political and legal career pretty much a wrap, I’m guessing opening a chain of “Big Pimpin’ Men’s Apparel stores are his best bet!
3. BILL CLINTON… What’s there to say about “Slick Willie.” I eagerly voted for him twice and would have voted for his wife if President Obama had not run, BUT you would think after all those years of whore-doggin’ that Bill could have found a broad that can keep her mouth shut……um, afterward that is!
2. GOVERNOR ELIOT SPITZER: … $10,000-a-night for ONE hooker????
Puh-leaze, I think you could book the entire female cast of “The Player’s Club” for that price, anybody seen Lisa Raye or the chick that played ‘Ronnie’ on screen lately? EXACTLY!
..AND THE NUMBER 1 CASE OF A MAN WHO CAN’T KEEP IT IN HIS PANTS… (drum roll pleaze!) BOBBY BROWN!
C’mon, we all saw it happening. I’m sure his peeps warned him to sit his dumb @ss down, be a ‘kept man’, and enjoy the good life! I bet even New Edition tried to SING it to him: “Bobby, be careful of Every-Little-Step-You-Take with those Tenderonies on the side, cuz’ EVERYBODY knows you’re humpin’ around!” But noooooo, Bobby just HAD to be stupid and go sleep on professional jump-off ‘Superhead’s’ couch and get video-taped
I’m sayin’… c’mon dawg’…“Superhead”???? That broad would write a ‘tell-all’ about her own son feelin’ up on the girlies by his locker if she thought it would sell! Next thang’ you know, Whitney is being consoled by Oprah (…and once Oprah gets involved…it’s over). Last I heard, Bobby’s praying for “VH1 Behind The Music” to call back for part two….. Keep waitin’ pawt-nuh! –written and illustrated by lena hopkins-jackson
