(Author’s note: The following piece is inspired by one of my all-time favorite people to discuss, Bobby Brown. Now that he’s engaged to Whitney Houston’s longtime friend Alicia Etheridge, I figured now was the right time to write this piece. So enjoy, and … ummm … long live the king of R&B. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)
Discussing difficult topics has never given me any personal satisfaction. In fact, I probably enjoy it about as much as I like eating soggy Fruity Pebbles. But, when these topics roll around, I have to keep reminding myself that it’s a necessary evil—especially when I see a recurring relationship trend that’s particularly unsettling. Like today’s topic, The Top Three Reasons That Your Man Ran Off With Your Friend.
Now, am I really trying to pour salt on your wound by discussing this topic? Absolutely not. But I would like to explain to you why he’s now with her instead of you. Humor me if you will.
Reason No. 1: She wasn’t your friend to begin with.
The one thing that I’ve never really understood about some women is their need to have lots of “close friends.” I’ve seen this play out countless times over the years with women who insist on having upwards of 10 to 20 BFFs. The problem with this approach is that you should never allow that many people into your intimate circle of trust. Why? Well, it increases the likelihood that you’ll befriend a double agent, which is a woman who looks like a friend, but will double cross you the moment something benefits her over you.
I can remember a past girlfriend who had 15 “best friends” while we were together. Over the course of our relationship, at least five of them tried to sleep with me behind her back. Were they really her friends? Of course not. A real friend would never purposely sabotage your happiness … no matter how tempting it may be.
Reason No. 2: You encouraged the bond.
“I really want you to be friends with him” … “It’s important to me that my man and my girlfriends be close” … “I really need you to spend time with him so you can tell me if you think he’s a good guy.”
Sound familiar?
There are occasions when women actually push their man into the arms of a friend by encouraging them to spend time together. While it certainly doesn’t hurt to have a man that’s cool with your friends, you may not want to work so hard at growing their bond.
Think about it; it’s human nature to be attracted to a person that you’re constantly around. As your friend and your man increase their time together, they begin to experience the great qualities that drew you to them in the first place. In the end, their personal time spent together could potentially blow up in your face, which would end up being more tragic than the release of those unedited Jennifer Lopez studio sessions.
Reason No. 3: You promoted him as “Boyfriend of the Century.”
There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your man, but sometimes women take it too far. Every day, your friends have to listen to you gush about “how wonderful he is,” and how “you’ve never experienced sex this good in your life.”
On and on you go …
Over time, your friends may start to believe the hype and get curious. After all, how many times can you really listen to how great something is before you want to try it? Take me, for instance. Did I really need to buy that Trident Layers gum? No, but I saw the commercial so much that I eventually had to try it.
The same thing applies to your man. The more you keep playing his “boyfriend of the century” commercial, the more intrigued your friends may become.
The Fly Conclusion: At the end of the day, no one wants to see their significant other run off with a close friend. It’s the type of thing that nightmares are made of. But with that being said, this article shouldn’t be used to promote a level of distrust between you and your friends. Instead, its sole purpose is to enlighten you on the role that you can play in potentially pushing your man into the arms of a friend.
It’s an unfortunate scenario, but I’ve seen it happen more than you might believe. When it does occur, the hurt party is often quick to point the finger at the friend and the former boyfriend. Are they wrong for their actions? Sure they are, but you may have unintentionally played a role in them hooking up.
Thankfully, now you know … and knowing is half the battle. –dewayne rogers
**DeWayne Rogers is the author of The Fly Guy Chronicles, your in-depth guide to love, relationships and everything in between.
