10. Because Kobe, Kobe, Kobe … need I write more? Hate on the “Black Mamba” if you want but you can’t deny his sting … he’s a BEAST and we all know it (… and yes, Kobe definitely knows, too). Sure he’s never met a mirror he didn’t like, but if everyone performed as well as Kobe at their jobs, we wouldn’t have this recession and half the problems we do! (Although I’m sure Kobe-haterz would find a way to be unhappy about that too.)
9. Because Ron Artest wants to put a ring on it more than LaLa Vasquez and Frodo the Hobbit put together! Artest is one of the best defensive players in the league, despite the fact that he throws up enough bricks to build a housing project. If they win, he can finally have something worthwhile to shout-out for his homies in the “Q.B.,” hmmmm … like rapping a “Queenbridge Is Taking Over Remix” … “Kobe keeps on making it, Rondo keeps on taking it, Pau Gasol keeps on creating it … while the Celtics keeps on FAKING IT! (*Single available on iTunes this Friday.*)
8. Because word is out that Luke Walton is going to prove to his critics once and for all that the spot he got on the team was well worth the bribe his dad arranged for it, so take that — take that!
7. Because Jack Nicholson is not about to adorn himself in Boston green; as part of an ongoing championship bet between the mayors for each city, anymore than he is going to take off those Ray-Bans that have been semi-permanently wielded to his face every game …
6. Because Phil Jackson has been rubbing Buddha’s belly for good luck so much that Buddha himself predicted a win just to get the coach up off his “Fat-DemiGod-swagga” …
5. Because the Lakers, team owners and close family and friends promised to finally have an “Elocution Intervention” for Magic at the nearest Starbucks if they won another championship. … And everyone wants to see (or rather hear) that happen, even Doc Rivers … ‘cuz enuff beez enuff!
4, Because rumor has it that “Big Baby” Davis is one Popeye’s chicken & biscuit combo away from a total “ITIS-Shutdown,”, so he ain’t takin’ the Celtics nooooo-where but to a buffet afterwards to drown their defeat in hot sauce …
3. Because for once Lamar Odom can keep his mind on the game since his new wife and her sisters wandered to the wrong team’s side while texting….(Kardashian Law No. 23: “If you’re down for one black baller you’re down for them all, I mean like … who has time to notice the difference, OMG!”)
2. Because somebody had the bright idea of rubbing some of the BP oil spillage into Rasheed Wallace’s hair ( so it would lay down nice-like) and now the Celtics locker room is covered in more grease than the entire cast of “Jersey Shore” ….
- Because they just will! Perkin’s knee being injured is unfortunate but the Lakers have this sooooo … deal with it!
… and that’s my two-cents’ worth; yep, no bias here! –written and illustrated by lena hopkins “I bleed purple & gold!” jackson
