This column is dedicated to answering the litany of challenging questions that sometimes are locked in the unconscious. It promises to be interesting, provocative, and the buzz at the water coolers.
The Top 10 Lies That Black Men Tell:
This is for all those sisters out there who are a little suspicious about their significant other and his extra-curricular activities — if you know what I mean.
10. She’s my “sister.”
This is a peculiarly common lie that men tell. They surmise that if they share the fact that they are supporting or helping a female relative, it may take some of the bite out of the argument. Where women have to be cautious is when a “sister” appears out of nowhere. You have never heard of a sister and all of the sudden here comes the half-sister, step-sister, God-Sister, etc. Enter with caution.
9. I don’t have any money.
Money matters and gift exchanges are an integral part of many relationships. Now whatever the grounds rules are, establish them from the beginning. There is nothing worse than being involved intimately with a non-supportive person. It is not always the money factor, it is sometimes just emotional support that comes with that partner’s willingness to give.
8. I lost my cell phone.
That is a absolute lie. Whenever this one comes-up go for his jugular. In today’s society a cell-phone is comparable to oxygen, one cannot live without it! If he pulls this one, ask him who is his carrier and what their replacement phone/insurance policy is.
7. I ran out of gas.
That’s a lie too. Don’t let him get away with this one. Hold him accountable.
6. I was at my mom’s house.
If it was not Mother’s day or his mother’s birthday, this is another scheme. How dare you try to come between him and his mother? However, if he is a momma’s boy, he will probably reserve Sunday afternoons for her. Just watch his pattern.
5. I had to work late.
If you are feeling vulnerable, check his cell-phone records. This may or may not be true. Good mates will be transparent and let you in on what type of projects they are working, as well as who they are working with after hours.
4. You are the only one for me.
When this statement comes out of nowhere, you may want to gingerly ask, “Baby, why did you say such a sweet thing like that to me?” This response usually unlocks the unconscious and makes them very uncomfortable if they are lying.
3. I will be right back.
This is the code word for I really need to get the hell out of here. If he asks to leave or suggests that he needs space, give it to him. In the mean while remind him that the goody shop will also be closed. (You know what I mean — tell him that there will be no drive-through after 11:00 p.m.)
2. I am not gay!
If he has to say it, ask yourself why? Please be advised that the DL issue is a very serious one. As you may or may not know female HIV infections are mostly from DL/Bi-Sexual men. Take this point very seriously. If he is a little effeminate or has problems with sexual performance, dig real deep soon. Pornography dependent sex is a critical sign.
1. I love you!
This may be true, but always ask, who else? I am not saying that true love doesn’t exist, however it is very hard to find.
I hope this helps someone out there who has seen some of the above signs or symptoms of infidelity.
To sound off or for more information or questions go to my blog @www.askdro.com.
A healthy mind … a healthy body.–Dr. O
