Like most women, black women want men who can provide for their families and protect them. Unfortunately, black men have alarmingly fallen short in this area, putting black men and women at odds. DeShang of the stage play Play Your Position states, “Women decide who they will date, and men decide who they will marry.”
After polling hundreds of married, divorced, and single individuals nationwide, I compiled a list of common reasons that traditionally keep black women unwed:
- * Inhibitions – Women have superficial lists for men that are erroneously labeled as “standards.” Too often, this creates a situation where women begin to treat relationships like business mergers (testing and over-calculating her mate or business partner’s actions).
- * She-Males – Many males have been raised by women; thus, their behaviors become more feminine than masculine. This feminization of black men has produced an increase of metro-sexual and homosexual males, where roles are reversed. This has led to many black women becoming more self-sufficient and independent — rather than interdependent.
- * Scorned – Black women tend to carry forward past relationship baggage that births distrust. “There are no good black men” or “I don’t need a man” are good indicators. Thus, the current man or next man pays for the damage done by their predecessor(s).
- * Choices – Black women have the habit of putting themselves in relationships that lack substance. Their emotional decisions choose convenience over true love. Thus, their relationship resumes reflect choices that are the opposite of their standards.
- * Lack of Self-Knowledge – Lack of knowing one’s inner self often leads to searching for one’s lower self in a mate. Thus, the norm becomes meeting a mate at the hip rather than on a spiritual level.
Other honorable mentions not listed include a lack of listening, too focused on career, and not knowing how to treat a good thing when they have it.
While it’s admiriable to say that with change, every black woman will be able to find a strong mate, all-in-all, happiness must first reside truthfully within her spiritual self; then, she’ll unite with her soul mate through spiritual selection (not flawed choice). –steven kennebrew-turner (Dub Deuce the Poet)
