First things first, I’m a fan of Beyoncé. It’s hard not to respect and appreciate a talented performer who works as hard as she does. With that said, I was really curious to hear her new single, “Run the World (Girls).” In fact, I’m not even sure if there’s been as much fervor surrounding a release since T.I. got out of jail for the second time. (Wait … maybe it was the third time he got out that I’m thinking of.)
Anyway, the song is officially out, and has the potential to be a summer club anthem. Why? Well, with the song, every woman is now armed with lyrically danceable ammunition for their widely held belief that women run the world.
Don’t believe me? Ask any woman that question, and I’m 97.2 percent sure that her answer will range along the lines of “umm, women run the world … you didn’t know?”
And while I don’t have the space in this column to directly address that premise, I do have a follow-up question …
“If women run the world, then who runs the relationship?”
That, my friends, is today’s million-dollar question. The answer to which I’ve decided to break down so it can forever be broken (shout out to Larenz Tate … wherever you are).
So who runs things when it comes to relationships? The easy answer is … drum roll please … men.
Now before you huff and puff, allow me to further explain this belief with 3 basic points.
Point 1: Women Want a Strong Man
Regardless of what’s being said at the biweekly “We Don’t Need A Man” National Summit, the average woman is quick to admit her unquestioned desire to have a strong man in her life.
Is this an admission of weakness? Of course not. In fact, I think it’s a reflection of the opposite.
I mean, think about it…
With so many beautifully talented women spending their days as bosses—which can range from running a company, to heading a household as a single parent—the one place that a woman is more than happy to relinquish some control is with her significant other.
She doesn’t want a boss or a daddy. She simply wants a man who is both capable and competent enough to take the lead in the relationship. In all honesty, the average woman has other things to think about, and would rather not be forced to decide if the two of you are going to eat Mexican food or Captain D’s.
At the end of the day, she’d much rather sit in the passenger seat while her man responsibly drives the action.
Point 2: Women Who Run the Relationship Are Typically Unhappy
Occasionally, I run across women whose personalities are so dominant that they can’t help but run their relationships. You know the type: naturally assertive and borderline bossy. And while outside appearances would have you believing otherwise, these women are typically unhappy.
Let’s be honest for a minute. How can one really enjoy a relationship if the majority of their days are spent secretly (and sometimes openly) questioning their significant other’s manhood?
Allow me to answer that for you … that type of relationship can’t be enjoyed.
That’s why I sincerely believe that if the right opportunity presented itself for these women, they would gladly leave their current situation for the greener pastures of a man who possessed the backbone described in Point #1.
Point 3: Women Decide Sex; Men Decide Marriage
It’s at this point of the conversation where I’m expecting some of you to tune me out. And that’s not because I’m saying anything particularly wrong or offensive … some people just tune you out halfway through a conversation when they don’t agree with you (hello Republicans and Democrats.)
So if you fall in that category, them I’m pretty sure you won’t read this next statement:
“When it comes to decision-making, women decide if you’ll sleep together. Men decide if you’ll get married.”
I sent that out as a half-joking tweet a few weeks back, but as time has passed, I’m more inclined to adopt it as my own personal belief.
Here’s the deal: Outside of isolated incidents (i.e. Jim Jones and his lady), the lion’s share of marriages happen when the man decides to muster up enough courage to get down on one knee and ask the big question.
Now, of course, women play a huge role in the moments leading up to that decision, but at the end of the day, the man still has to “man up” and place the ring on your finger.
So while women hold all of the cards when it comes to sex — which, by the way is a pretty big deal in itself — men hold the greatest relational trump card … that is, the card that can make the relationship permanent.
So what does this all mean?
For starters, it means that I’m going into protective custody, just in case I upset the wrong people with this piece. (And by wrong people, I mean my mother and aunts … they like to hit people.)
In all seriousness though, there’s nothing wrong with a woman letting her man lead the way in the relationship. By that same token, a man has to also recognize that he’s leading the way … not running a dictatorship.
As men, it’s an awesome responsibility to have women entrust us with the pace and overall trajectory of the relationship. It’s a job where we’ve messed up many times before, but it’s ultimately a role that I believe we’re designed for. It’s also a role that I can only hope that we begin to approach with the passion and humility that it deserves.
I could seriously keep talking about this … but I think I’d rather go get a burrito bowl from Chipotle instead.
Right now though, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic. Who runs relationships? Men or women … sound off.
**DeWayne Rogers is the author of The Fly Guy Chronicles … love advice will never be the same.